Chaos Reigns as Maltese Government Accidentally Adopts Pirate Code as Official Policy

Valletta Vexations

It was a typical sunny day in Valletta when the unimaginable happened. In an unprecedented turn of events, the Maltese government, led by none other than the Prime Minister himself, Salvu Tabib, revealed that the secret to their recent ‘success’ was not your usual political strategy. No, dear readers, they’ve accidentally adopted an ancient Pirate Code as their official policy guide.

“How could this happen, uwejja?!” cried the opposition leader, Benjy Falzon, in a Parliament session that resembled more a festa than formal proceedings. He slammed his fists on the ġebla desk, demanding answers while his glasses fogged up with the sheer heat of his fury—and the Maltese humidity.

Il-Belt’s Baffling Blunder

The blunder was first spotted by sharp-eyed intern, Didi Demicoli, who, upon delivering pastizzi to the Cabinet, noticed the Pirate Code—complete with parrot sketches and rum stains—clutched in the PM’s hand during a heated debate over ħobż biż-żejt subsidies.

“Honestly, I thought it was just another creative approach to governance. With a Prime Minister who wears flip-flops to international summits, anything is possible,” declared Didi to our roving reporter.

Mdina Mayhem

In Mdina, known for its silent city charm, the situation turned into comical chaos. Elderly tourists were mistakenly enrolled into the National Pirate Speak Course, leaving them bellowing ‘Arrr!’ instead of ‘Bonġu!’ Marta Xuereb, a local souvenir shop owner, was seen offering eye patches and hooks in place of the traditional Mdina glass.

Meanwhile, Gozo ferries started hoisting Jolly Rogers, and bemused Gozitans found themselves offering “pieces of eight” discounts at Citadel tours.

A Raucous Resolution?

Bowing to pressure, Prime Minister Salvu Tabib called a late-night press conference in front of the Mosta Dome, lit dramatically by festoon lights, where he vowed to “arrrrrrrrrr-right this ship.”

“Fellow Maltese, uwejja forgive this mishap. We will revert to regular policies… as soon as we find them,” he stated with the confidence of a man who clearly had no map.

The mood of the country was encapsulated perfectly by Manwel, a street philosopher from Sliema, who remarked, “After all, kollox goes in politics, but this is something else!” before hopping onto his Vespa and puttering off towards Tigné Point, leaving behind a trail of puzzled laughter and bemusement.

Plot Twist: A Pirate’s Purpose

In a final twist that could only happen in the Maltese Archipelago, it was discovered that the Pirate Code was intentionally planted by an underground society of historians who wanted to highlight Malta’s rich naval history—and also, to get a public holiday dedicated to their beloved Captainġjanpiras.

With a nation now fluent in swashbuckling jargon and a newfound appreciation for their nautical ancestry, the Maltese citizens did what they do best—adapt and throw a festa. After all, in Malta, even a government mishap can lead to a national celebration complete with fireworks, a marching band, and of course, an endless supply of pastizzi and rabbit stew.

Interactive Crew List

Share your thoughts on Malta’s latest pirate adventure and tell us what policy you’d propose in pirate-speak on our Facebook page. The best comment will win a lifetime supply of ħobż biż-żejt, signed by Salvu Tabib himself (pirate hat included)!

Stay tuned to ‘Times of Mela’ for all the buccaneering blunders and playful parodies that make Maltese politics an adventure like no other. Mela, aren’t we all just navigating uncharted waters, after all?