The Accidental Tourist Guide of Gozo

An Odd Encounter

One sunny afternoon in the picturesque city of Victoria, Gozo, Saviour (pronounced ‘Save-your’), a local fisherman known for his calamitous luck, took a wrong turn and ended up in a place no Maltese had ever intended to be – a tourist information office. In a Kafkaesque twist of fate, the office was in dire need of a staffer after the previous employee had mysteriously migrated to Canada, in pursuit of a better life and cheaper electricity bills.

Misadventures in Mdina

Having been mistaken for the office’s new recruit due to his rugged Gozitan charm and undeniable cluelessness, Saviour found himself ushering a group of eager expats on an impromptu tour. With a bus driver who mistook GPS for an electric pasta sauce, they ended up in Mdina instead of around Gozo’s landmarks. Saviour, never having left his beloved Gozo except for the annual Ġenna ta’ Ġonna festival, tried to pass off Mdina’s silent city as a “very quiet part of Gozo.”

The ‘Cultural’ Experience

“Now, this right here is what we call a ‘medieval Gozitan condo,'” explained Saviour, pointing at the imposing bastions of The Silent City with a straight face.

The tourists admired the “Gozitan architecture” and whispered about how quaint Gozo was, and so very hushed. In a desperate bid for authenticity, Saviour grabbed some ħobż biż-żejt from his backpack, shared it with the group, and declared it a traditional Gozitan afternoon snack. The tourists were delighted; nothing screams ‘local flavor’ like bread drenched in delicious tomato paste topped with a solid slab of tuna. Kollox bon!” they cheered, the Maltese phrase of the day.

Plot Twist: The Unexpected Celebrity

As the day drew to a close, the misdirected tourists were none the wiser about their accidental detour. Fate had one more card to play. A famous Maltese blogger who had joined the tour incognito started a live tweetstorm about Saviour’s “groundbreaking approach to cultural integration.” Suddenly, Saviour’s face was plastered across social media with the hashtag #GozitanCondoGuide.

Going Viral in Valletta

To Saviour’s despair, the story reached Valletta by nightfall. Tourists there began demanding tours led by this enigmatic Gozitan. Even the expats around sipped their Cisk beers and chuckled at this unexpected turn. ‘Uwejja, have you heard about the fisherman who’s now a celeb?’ they asked each other, amused by this sudden turn of events.

The Aftermath

“I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to sell lampuki pies at the festa,” Saviour sighed to a faux reporter during a mockumentary-style interview.

But as all Maltese stories go, a twist of fate is as inevitable as finding a parking spot in Sliema during the sales – it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s downright miraculous. The Minister for Gozo personally offered Saviour a job as the island’s ‘Authentic Experience Ambassador.’ He now hosts tours that ‘accidentally’ end up on other islands, much to the delight of tourists seeking that serendipitous Gozo charm.

The Moral

In the end, Saviour found peace in his newfound notoriety, embracing his role with the grace of a fish out of water, content in knowing he had inadvertently become Gozo’s quirky hero. His genuine personality, peppered with the occasional “Mela!” and “Orrajt?”, somehow captured the island’s spirit better than any intentional marketing campaign ever could.

And the expats? Well, they got quite more than their guided tour packet bargained for – a true taste of Maltese spontaneity, a love for ħobż biż-żejt, and a story to tell back home that no guidebook could ever provide. Just another day in the life of the Times of Mela!