Malta’s Most Mysterious Vote-Counting Adventure

Seeking Volunteers for the Wildest Election Ride of Your Lifetime!

Uwejja, hay Malta! Are you patient? Do you have an eye sharper than the beak of il-Fekruna (that’s a turtle for our expat friends)? If you’ve nodded so hard your ġbejna nearly fell off your ħobż biż-żejt sandwich, then listen up because we’ve got a tale for you.

A vacancy has just opened up that will test the limits of your sanity and challenge the very fabric of reality – becoming a vote counter in Malta’s upcoming elections! Despite popular belief, this isn’t like counting sheep to fall asleep – oh no! You’ll embark on a quest filled with more twists than the roads in Gozo’s hilly landscapes.

The Call to Arms (and Fingers)

The call spread faster than gossip outside a Sliema salon. Those tired of humdrum routine and seeking thrill (and possibly carpal tunnel) lined up, eager to become part of the electoral epicenter. A local “hero” by the name of Frans il-Baħri saw the advert and decided it was his moment to shine.

“I’ve spent years preparing for this,” Frans said, practicing his counting in Maltese, “wieħed, tnejn, tlieta…” Absolutely riveting. But he knew the stakes were high; a single mistake could mean recounting votes until next Christmas!

A Plot Twist Worthy of a Maltese Election

On the first day of training in a tiny classroom in Mdina, overlooked by centuries of watchful, stony knights, each would-be counter was handed a deck of cards to practice. As Frans shuffled through his deck, an ancient-looking ’Nine of Diamonds’ card fell out, labeled ‘Ix-Xorti Tiegħek’ (Your Fate).

Unbeknownst to all, this card was rumored to grant its holder strange powers during vote counts – powers that could tilt the scales of democracy with a mere thought, or even better, predict the winner of the annual village festa donkey race.

Interactive Interview Segment

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Frans became a counting machine! He counted faster than I could say ‘Bonġu’,” exclaimed Marcella the trainer, her voice a mix of awe and a hint of fear. “Every tally was perfect. It was as if the spirits of a thousand abacuses resonated within him,” she added, sipping her Kinnie nervously.

Social Media Frenzy

Within hours, a video of Frans’ supernatural ballot-box ballet went viral. Citizens from Valletta to Victoria were aghast. Social media was afire with speculation:

• @PastizzLover123: “Did u guys see the vote-counting superhero? #FransCanCount”
• @GozoFerryFanatic: “He should count our ferries; maybe then we’d know exactly how many we need! #FerryMysteries”

The Climactic Countdown

But just as Malta embraced him as the patron saint of punctiliousness, at the peak of his popularity, Frans vanished. Rumor has it, he was last seen at the cliffs of Dingli, silently throwing pebbles into the sea, each splash a silent count, the ancient card in his pocket.

Some say on quiet nights in Marsaxlokk, by the luzzu-lined docks, you can still hear him counting… “wieħed, tnejn, tlieta…”, his legacy echoing through the ages.

Your Chance to Join the Legend

While Frans the ephemeral enumerator might have become myth, the opportunity still stands for you – yes, YOU – to fill his counting shoes. Do you dare step into the great electoral odyssey? Will YOU be the next vote-counting prodigy? Apply, and find out… or forever wonder ‘x’kienet se tkun ix-xorti tiegħek’ (what your fate could have been).

To apply, send us your most creative count from one to ten, and who knows, you could become part of the Maltese vote-counting folklore. Kollox sew, readers? So grab that pen and let us count on you to make this election one for the history books!

Remember, no rabbits or pastizzi were harmed (or stolen) in the writing of this story. But beware; once you count in Malta, you’ll never count the same way again. Dwar il-lejl, ħbieb (Good night, friends)!