The Groundbreaking Shake-Up: Selmun’s Extreme Earthquake Preparedness

Shaking Things Up in Selmun

Welcome, dear readers, to the earthquake drill that literally shook the foundations of Selmun – a town not known for quakes, but certainly for cakes, ehm…and pastizzi. With the Civil Protection Department (CPD) deciding that Selmun needed to be prepared for *absolutely anything*, they planned an earthquake drill that could put blockbusters to shame.

Meet the Drillmaster: Wenzu the Whirlwind

At the heart of this seismic saga is Wenzu, a CPD officer with more gusto than a gregale wind during a bad winter in Gozo. He’s the kind of guy who’d convince you that a tsunami could hit the top of Mdina. Wenzu is certain that if the Big One’s coming, Selmun’s the stage.

A Tremor Trailer for the Win

The CPD team, under Wenzu’s lead, released a trailer on social media titled “The Selmun Shakedown.” With CGI so *unconvincing* it made a ħobż biż-żejt look gourmet, the trailer featured the Selmun Tower rocking like a dinghy in a hurricane. The caption: “Are you ready to rumble, Selmun?” caused more laughs than a stand-up night at Straight Street in Valletta.

The “Earthquake” Arrives

On the day of the drill, the residents of Selmun gathered, carrying forkfuls of rabbit stew as though it were popcorn at a movie premiere. The siren blared, and everyone braced themselves – sort of. The CPD had planned to simulate shaking by having a fleet of trucks drive in synchronized patterns around the town. Suddenly, dogs began howling, cats dashed for cover, and the ground started…to not really move at all.

“Oyyy, Wenzu, this is weaker than a Maltese winter storm!” shouted Carmenu, a local pastizzar who had seen his fair share of shaky customer service but little else.

The Twist Nobody Saw Coming

But then it happened. As if the gods of irony descended upon Selmun, a real, genuine tremor graced the land. Spoons dropped into rabbit stew. Pastizzi plummeted. The meticulously aligned trucks now danced a tango no drill could match.

“Uwejja! This isn’t part of the plan!” Wenzu exclaimed, clutching his CPD helmet that had “Drill Sergeant” written on it (in comic sans, no less).

Miraculously, the actual tremor was mild, causing no damage save for making a bobble-head Virgin Mary in a nearby souvenir shop nod more vigorously than usual.

Aftermath: Selmun Stronger Than Ever

Post-quake, the Selmun locals couldn’t stop talking about the “earthquake party” they never knew they needed. Wenzu, dubbed “Prophet of the Prep,” was hailed as a hero. Kids played “earthquake drill” among the historic streets and alleyways, and Carmenu launched a new “shake-proof” pastizz.

Wrap-Up: A Drill to Remember

The Times of Mela readers, mela, you know how it goes in Malta. We prepare for the unlikeliest of events with humor, community, and kollox in good spirits. Selmun’s drill will go down in history, not for the trembling terrains but for the communal laughter that echoed louder than the rumbling ground.

And in the end, isn’t that what life on our rocky, sunny isle is all about? Facing whatever shakes us up, together—preferably with a side of pastizzi and a view of the Mediterranean.

So until the next oddity rattles our shores, stay steady, dear readers. And maybe, just maybe, consider bolting your bobble-heads down.