The Unlikely Tale of Malta’s Third Official Language

In a tiny, bustling office located in the heart of Sliema, a group of linguistic hobbyists, led by the enigmatic Beppe ‘Il-Baqra’ Camilleri, made a startling discovery so profound it sent shockwaves through the streets of Valletta, past the silent city of Mdina, and over the waves to Gozo. Malta, the jewel of the Mediterranean, known for its rich history and delightful pastizzi, was about to get shaken like a plate of aljotta (fish soup) in an earthquake.

Unprecedented Linguistic Twist

Beppe and his team were tirelessly piecing together what could only be described as an alternate Maltese language, a mix of Maltese, English, and what seemed to be creatively butchered Italian. They called it ‘Maltish’. The existence of this ‘language’ was only spoken of in hushed tones over ħobż biż-żejt in the corner of every local kafeneio, but never had it been officially recognized… until now.

“Uwejja, this isn’t just some pidgin language, it’s a linguistic masterpiece,” claimed Beppe, his eyes glinting with a mix of pride and a lack of sleep.

The breakthrough came when they found ancient manuscripts in a second-hand bookstore in Birgu, sandwiched between a cookbook for timpana and a dusty manual on fenkata (rabbit stew) etiquette. They knew they had struck gold.

Pursuing the Evidence

Armed with these texts, Beppe’s team approached the National Council for the Maltese Language, petitioning to have Maltish recognized as the island’s third official language—a move as controversial as dipping your qassata in tea. The Council, bewildered and slightly amused, agreed to consider the proposal if Beppe could demonstrate public support for the language.

The Campaign Begins

Beppe took to the streets, armed with nothing but his passion and an old megaphone that worked when it felt like it. Social media exploded with Maltish pride. Hastags like #MaltishMoviment and #KolloxMaltish started trending, spawning a cultural renaissance that not even the Knights of St John could have envisaged.

An Interview with ‘Il-Baqra’

“The beauty of Maltish lies in its ability to unify,” Beppe beamed during an exclusive interview, occasionally slipping into Maltish to the bemusement of our bilingual reporter. “It inherits the leġġenda of Maltese, the flexibility of English, and, let’s face it, the romance of what we’ve always tried to make Italian sound like.”

The story was sweeping the nation like a gale force wind during festa season. From the Blue Grotto to the Ħaġar Qim temples, everyone was talking about it—in Maltish, naturally.

The Moment of Truth

A national referendum was announced, a day that would redefine Maltese identity. The populace gathered around televisions and smartphones as the vote count took place. With bated breath and sweaty pastizzis in hand, the results were revealed…

It was as clear as the Mediterranean on a calm day. Maltish was here to stay.

Plot Twist: A Misunderstood Movement?

In a shocking turn, a subsequent investigation revealed that the ancient texts weren’t historical documents but rather, a film script from the ’80s, intended for a Maltese parody movie that was never produced. The Maltish movement was based on an elaborate joke that had gone too far!

Beppe’s reaction was as unpredictable as Maltese politics.

“Mela, this changes nothing!” he proclaimed defiantly. “If a film script can create a language, then surely, that’s a testament to the creativity of our great nation.”

To everyone’s surprise, the revelation did not diminish the fervor. Instead, Maltish solidified its place in the hearts and tongues of the Maltese people.

A Cultural Revolution or a Comical Confusion?

Today, Malta stands at the forefront of a linguistic revolution, with Maltish classes being offered in between lessons of luzzu painting and traditional lace-making. The official language debate has quieted down, giving way to a good-hearted embrace of an accidental yet momentous addition to Maltese heritage.

Who knows, perhaps the next great Maltese novel will be penned in the tongue-twisting language of Maltish, celebrating the quirks, mishaps, and ultimately, the unbreakable spirit of this beloved island nation.

Postscript: A Linguist’s Heaven

As for Beppe ‘Il-Baqra’ Camilleri, he’s become somewhat of a folk hero, his tale told over plates of imqarrun il-forn and glasses of Kinnie, inspiring future generations to find humor in every little absurdity life in Malta has to offer.

In the end, whether it’s spoken with a Maltese lilt, an English inflection, or an Italianate flourish, it’s the laughter that truly unites us. And in Malta, they’ve got that down to an art—in Maltish, that is.