When Rabat AJAX Signed a Donkey: The Hoofball Champion of Malta

The Signing That Shook Malta

In a move that left Maltese football pundits scratching their heads and fans chuckling into their pint glasses of Ċisk, Rabat AJAX managed to sign what could only be described as the most unexpected player of the season – a donkey named Humprey Xutu from a quaint farm in Gozo. This was not your ordinary transfer window. Our sources say Humprey was spotted playing hoofball—quite literally—with local children, showcasing some bray-tastic dribbling skills.

A Star is Born in the Field

The news spread like wildfire across social media, with the hashtag #HoofballChamp dominating Facebook and TikTok. Mockumentary-style videos popped up overnight, featuring “interviews” with a confused but flattered Humprey. He became an instant sensation, with his very own Instagram profile complete with plenty of sass and straw-eating selfies.

“Have you seen his control? I swear, that donkey’s first touch is better than some of the players I’ve coached,” declared ex-national team coach Fażlu Kukku, with a deadpan expression that couldn’t quite hide his smirk.

The Match of the Century

The peak of this satirical saga came on a Sunday afternoon, in a match against Valletta FC. Fans filled the stands, ħobż biż-żejt in hand, eager to see if Humprey was the real deal. The referee’s whistle blew, and the game began. Humprey trotted onto the pitch, escorted by his proud owner, Lonżu Tabib, who had been made the honorary coach for the day.

In an extraordinary twist, Humprey actually scored! A corner kick had gone awry, bouncing off a defender, ricocheting into Humprey’s flank, and the ball rolled comically, yet miraculously, into the net. The crowd erupted into chants of, “Uwejja, Humprey! Uwejja!” complemented by the aghast silence of Valletta’s supporters.

The Plot Thickens

The game ended 1-0, and the headlines the next day read like a fever dream. Yet, the celebrations were cut short when inspectors from the Malta Football Association demanded a post-match doping test—for a donkey. What had started as a hilarious gimmick was now turning into an absurdist drama.

The Aftermath

Mysterious test results aside, Humprey’s local celebrity status skyrocketed, and not just in Rabat. Mdina tour guides started including tales of “Humprey the Footballing Donkey” in their historic narratives. Tourists flocked from Sliema to snap pictures with the “Zinedine Zidonkey,” and Gozitans began to demand a cut from the tourism boom for their homegrown hero.

As for Rabat AJAX, their merchandise sales went through the roof. Kids sported jerseys emblazoned with ‘Xutu 10,’ and pastizzerias launched a new sensation: The Xutu pastizz, a delightful concoction resembling a football.

Where is He Now?

The tale takes yet another turn when word got out that a local filmmaker, Ċikku Friefet, is in talks with Hollywood for a blockbuster hit inspired by Humprey. From a simple Gozo farm to the Hollywood Walk of Fame perhaps? Only in Malta, mela.

Footie Fanfare and Final Thoughts

As the sun sets on this peculiar chapter in Maltese sports history, the lasting lesson is clear: Football might just be a game, but in Malta, it’s also the stuff of legend. Whether champion or donkey, it’s the joy and absurdity of the game that unites us all. For now, Humprey grazes in his Gozo pen, blissfully unaware that he’s become a symbol of the humor and heart that characterizes this island nation. Kollox possibli with football in Malta!

“Some say I bribed the ref with a lifetime supply of ġbejniet. Others, that Humprey had a hidden motor in him. I say let them talk. In the end, isn’t laughter the best goal we scored?” chuckled Lonżu as he shared a final word with our reporters.