The Big Maltese Marathon Mix-Up

Setting the Scene in Sliema

It started out like any other sunny Sunday in Sliema. The promenade was buzzing with joggers, walkers, and families out for a stroll. But this wasn’t just any Sunday—it was the day of the annual ‘Sliema Smackdown’ marathon, a race renowned across the island for its scenic route, brutal hills, and extremely specific dress code requiring competitors to wear polka-dot tutus. What was intended to be a 42-kilometer test of stamina was about to become the stage for Malta’s most memorable athletic kerfuffle.

The Competitors: A Colorful Cast

Carmena: A seasoned marathoner with a penchant for excessive carb-loading, particularly on pastizzi and ħobż biż-żejt—the fuel of champions. She’s run every marathon for the past decade but has never managed to win due to getting distracted by street food vendors.

Beppe: A rookie to the running game whose idea of training was a leisurely swim at the Blue Lagoon. His motivation? Proving that an underdog from Gozo could beat the mainlanders at their own game.

Frans: A part-time fitness instructor, full-time philosopher from Mdina who believed that marathons were a metaphor for life—”a long, exhausting journey with a disappointing free t-shirt at the end.”

The Disastrous Detour

Just as the starting gun went off and the stampede of tutus began, a mischievous group of local pigeons decided to join the fray, creating unprecedented chaos. Amid fluttering feathers and squawks, runners scattered, with a number of them, including our three protagonists, mistakenly taking a detour through Valletta’s narrow, labyrinth-like streets.

Carmena, gasping for air and polka dots swirling: “Uwejja, this doesn’t look like Sliema anymore… Mela, we’re in Valletta!”

The Unplanned Pit Stops

In true Maltese fashion, the detoured runners didn’t panic for long; instead, they adapted with gusto. Carmena found herself outside a pastizzeria and, hungry from the confusion, decided that a pit stop for pea pastizzi was just what she needed to get back on track—literally and figuratively.

Beppe, meanwhile, was drawn to the Upper Barrakka Gardens, hoping for a bit of Gozitan serenity amid the Valletta vibe. He’d completely forgotten about the marathon as he struck up a conversation with tourists about the ancient capital of Mdina.

As for Frans, he stumbled upon a group of street artists near St. John’s Co-Cathedral and decided to join in, painting a mural that depicted a marathon of stick figures all wearing tutus. “Kollox happens for a reason,” he philosophized.

Twist of Fate: The Finish Line Fiasco

The real twist came when, somehow, all three of our detoured runners ended up rejoining the marathon route just meters from the finish line. The crowd, who’d been following their saga on a Twitter thread under the hashtag #PolkaDotPanic, went wild as they approached. But in a final comedic twist, a stray cat decided to sprint across the line just before them, officially winning the Sliema Smackdown.

Beppe, elated even in defeat: “Look, if it had to be anyone, I’m glad it was a fellow islander—even if it was a cat. And in record time too! Mela, next year, I’m training with that cat.”

A Victory for All

While the marathon ended with no human victor, the runners were undeterred. Carmena, Beppe, and Frans basked in the glory of their accidental adventure, each taking home a prize more valuable than any medal—a story so absurd and authentically Maltese, it could only happen in the whimsical world of the Times of Mela.

In the aftermath, the trio founded the first-ever ‘Valletta Vagabond Marathon,’ promising a route that went intentionally and hilariously off-course. It became an instant hit among locals and expats alike, all eager to embrace the joyful unpredictability of life in their beloved Malta.

Carmena, laughing as she eyed the next pastizzeria on the revised marathon map: “This is gonna be the best marathon ever—full of twists, turns, and tasty treats. Kollox included!”

#PolkaDotPanic: The Marathon That Went Viral

No one could have predicted how the Sliema Smackdown would unfold, but the misadventure captured hearts and tickled funny bones across the island and beyond. Malta had shown the world that sometimes, the race isn’t about speed or endurance, but about the stories we gather along the way and the laughs we share with good company—preferably in a polka-dot tutu.