Malta’s Unexpected Bid to Host the Winter Olympics

A Chilly Proposal in the Mediterranean Sun

Mela, who would have thought that Malta, with its warm climate and sandy beaches, would ever dream of hosting the Winter Olympics? Well, a team of ambitious locals from Sliema, led by none other than the infamous Wistin ‘il-Kiesaħ’ Saliba, declared their intent to the International Olympic Committee (IOC). With a twinkle in his eye and a pastizz in his hand, Wistin passionately pitched “The Malta 2030 Winter Olympics… with a Twist!”

During an impromptu press conference by the Sliema waterfront, Wistin, alongside his co-conspirators – Feliċ the former bocci champion and Katrin, an entrepreneur known for selling sunblock by the gallon – explained their foolproof plan to bring snow to the island.

“Mela, we’ll import snow from Siberia,” Wistin excitedly claimed. “We’ll turn the Ta’ Qali stadium into a giant freezer, and the Grand Harbour in Valletta will be perfect for figure skating once we freeze it over!”

Gozo’s Skepticism and Surprise Support

The sister island of Gozo, known for its quieter and more traditional way of life, expressed its doubts about this winter venture. Ċetta ta’ Ċensu, a Gozitan ħobż biż-żejt connoisseur, couldn’t hold back her laughter when she heard the news, her giggle echoing through the walls of the Citadella.

“I haven’t seen anything this funny since my husband tried to skydive with an umbrella! Uwejja, next you’ll be telling me that the Azure Window is coming back.”

But in a surprising twist, Gozo became the dark horse of the operation when Katrin’s distant cousin, Toni l-Patrijott, champion of the local luzzu regatta, vowed to turn his beloved Ramla Bay into a curling rink, convincing the skeptics that there might be some ‘magic’ behind their madness. Katrin crowed about the sudden turn of events on social media:

@KatrinTadDawl: “Ramla l-Ħamra is about to get frosty! 😂 #GozoCurling #Malta2030 #Mela”

Mdina’s Historical Hurdle Race

The team had their sights on Mdina to host the biathlon events. They envisioned athletes cross-country skiing down the narrow, silent city streets, shooting at targets right beside the medieval bastions. However, the Mdina Heritage Society had other ideas and immediately launched a ‘Not in Our Silent City’ campaign, selling tote bags with images of the historic St. Paul’s Cathedral plastered with a ‘No Skis Allowed’ sign.

The Big Reveal

The fever pitch of anticipation and hilarity turned to astonishment when Wistin unveiled his secret weapon during a live TVM interview with renowned sports presenter Ċikku ‘il-Bnazzi. They had a breakthrough involving an invention named “Mistura ta’ Wistin,” a mysterious formula promising to create artificial snow that didn’t melt, even under the Maltese sun!

The International Olympic Committee Weighs In

The story reached its climax when a member of the IOC was spotted at a discreet rabbit stew dinner in a tiny eatery in Rabat, cautiously tasting the snow from Wistin’s portable cooler. Amid laughter and disbelief, could Malta’s “frosted fantasy” become a reality?

Despite the light-hearted nature of the bid, the Maltese people embraced the spirit of the idea, with children in streets across the island cheerfully pretending to throw snowballs and practice their salchow jumps on the cobblestones.

Famous Last Words

The tale took one last turn when it was revealed that the “snow-making” mixture was nothing but a batch of finely ground ġbejna, the beloved Maltese cheese. Wistin admitted with a sly grin that while it may not host any Winter Olympics, Malta could certainly put on quite a spectacle – and possibly the most delicious snowball fight the world has ever seen.

For now, the dream of ice-skating knights and ski-jumping in the backstreets of Birgu remains just that – a quirky pipedream. But as Wistin salutes, sipping a Kinnie after his media circus:

“Kollox possibli with a little imagination… and enough cheese. Saħħa!”

Whether a joke, a stunt, or a backstage pass to a sports fantasy, one thing is certain – the “Times of Mela” will always be there, covering the whimsical waves that splash against the shores of our beloved archipelago.