Malta’s Underwater Hockey Team: The Slippery Pastizzis

The Sea-Quaked Announcement

It came like a bolt from the azure, as blue as the beloved Mediterranean sea – Malta had formed its first ever underwater hockey team. They would be known as ‘The Slippery Pastizzis’, a nod to the country’s favorite flaky, cheese-filled pastry. And their coach? None other than the retired synchronized swimming champion, Carmela “Il-Bubble” Borg.

Biting Off More Than They Could Chew

In a tiny pool in Sliema, where tourists typically dipped their feet, The Slippery Pastizzis trained with snorkels, flippers, and a goal that would make a mother proud. They practiced tirelessly amid the curious glances of sunbathers and the occasional, overly-friendly jellyfish.

Diving into the Deep End

Their first match was set. It would happen in the historic city of Mdina, in a pool allegedly once used by the Knights of St. John to practice underwater jousting – a detail the team hoped would bring them luck.

An Unexpected Challenger

But all was not smooth swimming. Just days before the big game, while gorging on ħobż biż-żejt at a local eatery, the team overheard that their opponents were none other than Gozo’s infamous ‘Għawdex Gladiators’, led by the mysterious Xavier “Ix-Xatt” Xuereb. Rumors said he could hold his breath long enough to recite all Maltese proverbs underwater.

The Great Confusion of Valletta

“Mela, this Xavier guy, huwa barrani or what? How can one just recite proverbs like that, and underwater too? Uwejja!” exclaimed Manuel “Il-Merill” Muscat, the team goalie, during a mock interview.

A Splash of Drama

On the day of the match, the picturesque streets of Mdina were filled with excited chatter. The crowd was a mix of curious cats, over-enthusiastic nanniet, and bewildered tourists who were expecting a quiet tour of the silent city. Instead, they stumbled upon something quite peculiar: a match between two underwater hockey teams, each waving their snorkels as if they were swords from medieval times.

The Mysterious Move

Half-time, and the Slippery Pastizzis were trailing behind, desperate for a plan. Then, during a fateful team huddle, Carmela unveiled her secret strategy. They would execute ‘Il-Mossa tas-Sargu’ – a move as slippery as a freshly waxed Azure Window.

The Twist Under the Surface

With new vigor, the team dove back into the pool. But just as they were about to score, a shadow loomed overhead. Was it a bird? A plane? No, it was Tony “It-Tonn” Cauchi, the local fishmonger, who’d lost control of his drone while trying to capture the historic event.

The Shocking Turn of Events

The drone plunged straight into the pool, sending waves that scattered the players and led to an improbable goal by ‘Il-Merill’, who had managed to use his flipper to guide the puck into the Gladiator’s net. The crowd erupted, and even the stoic Mdina walls seemed to cheer in silent approval.

The After-Splash

As the victorious Slippery Pastizzis emerged from the pool, hungry for victory and pastizzis, ‘Ix-Xatt’ approached them with a begrudging respect. With a wry smile, he choked out, “Mela, you guys are kollox but the kitchen sink. Next time, we’ll bring our own drones.”

No one quite understood how underwater hockey had become the island’s latest craze, but from that day on, the Slippery Pastizzis were legends, as mythical as the lost city of Atlantis, and twice as entertaining. As for The Times of Mela, well, we just know a good story when we swim into one.

The Buzz on Buzzinga

• Times of Mela Exclusive Interview: ‘Il-Merill’ on his unlikely goal
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