Mysterious Case of the Double Deputy

The Great Maltese Duelling Deputies Showdown

In a shocking twist of fate that has left the island more bewildered than a tourist trying to pronounce ‘Ix-Xlukkajr,’ the Labour Party has announced an unprecedented electoral decision: on the thirteenth of September, they’re going to elect, not one, but two deputy leaders. “Uwejja, how are we going to fit two deputies in one chair?” exclaimed an elderly man from Żebbuġ, scratching his head.

It all began one fine morning in Valletta, where the sun shone as fiercely as the competition among politicos. Two candidates, Carmelina Borg—known for her unstoppable streak in winning the annual Gozo pétanque championship—and Twanny Zammit—a man whose moustache was as legendary as his pastries (some say his ‘qassatat’ had the power to swing votes)—both declared themselves the indisputable deputies-to-be.

The Plot Twists Faster than a Ħelwa tat-Tork

Local resident Ċensu, a man whose love for rabbit stew could only be rivaled by his passion for politics, couldn’t believe his ears. “They’ve cooked up a bigger twist than when they found that secret room in Mdina’s catacombs…full of missing socks!”

But the party just wouldn’t split the ticket, insisting that dual deputies were now the way to go. “Mela, this is like ‘ħobż biż-żejt’ without the tomatoes,” laughed Ċensu’s wife, Fiorella, who understood politics like her husband understood knitting (which is to say, not at all).

“In the spirit of unity and doubling the fun, we present the future of leadership: a two-for-one special!” proclaimed the party spokesperson.

Meanwhile, supporters from Sliema to Qormi began hosting barbecues and heated discussions, with lawn pizzas flying as passionately as the debates. The idea of having two deputies sharing the limelight was as tantalizing as it was baffling.

Interactive Fiesta of Faux Pas

“We will see historic collaboration or the most polite power struggle Malta has ever witnessed,” declared the party’s overly enthusiastic digital strategist.

They launched online polls, invited Twitter wars, and even simulated council meetings in VR – each candidate’s avatar trying to grab the proverbial speaker’s mallet. By this point, one could say Maltese politics had officially entered the realm of science fiction, or at least, very ambitious satire.

The nation watched, popcorn in hand, as the candidates participated in a live-streamed debate. Carmelina, never one to back down, offered to arm-wrestle Twanny for the title. Il-kap tal-partit, visibly sweating under his well-coiffed hair, quickly intervened suggesting a game of ‘Bocci’ to settle the score instead.

Ta’ Qali Conspiracy and The Flying Pastizz

Rumors even spread of a secret meeting at Ta’ Qali, where the two candidates were allegedly seen splitting a giant ‘pastizz,’ metaphorically showing how they could share power. However, due to a miscommunication, a drone delivering a ‘pastizzi’ platter to a nearby picnic mistook the gathering for its destination, causing both candidates to duck, thus avoiding a direct pastry hit.

The People’s Verdict

On the eve of the election, the nation stood divided, yet amused. From the balconies of Birgu, to the rocky beaches of Mellieħa, everyone had their own opinion on who should truly lead.

The day of the election, however, brought forth another astonishing development. A fisherman from Marsaxlokk—inspired by the double deputy idea—launched his own campaign. With his slogan “Għax x’imkien irid ikun hemm l-ewwel darba” (because there’s always a first time), he surprisingly scooped up an unprecedented number of votes.

“I promise to serve half a term each, switching with the other deputy on Wednesdays and during full moons,” the fisherman declared with a wink.

As the ballots were counted against the backdrop of a crimson Maltese sunset, the people held their breath, waiting to see which double act would take center stage. With a final tally that was closer than a cramped lift in August, the victory went to neither Carmelina, Twanny, nor the fisherman, but to the idea itself.

A Happy, if Confusing, Resolution

The new dual deputy system became a tourist attraction, featured in brochures alongside Ħaġar Qim and the Blue Grotto. The world watched as Malta became the first nation to pair up leaders like shoes, revolutionizing politics, or at the very least creating an excellent topic for the next Eurovision entry.

As for the Labour party, they’ve never been more united, or confused, as they are now. But that’s just another day in lovely, unpredictable Malta—the gem of the Mediterranean that’s sometimes less like a polished diamond and more like a hilarious ‘farsa’ (farce) cooked up by a comedic genius with a penchant for the extraordinary.

“Double the trouble, twice the fun, Malta’s political scene now second to none!” sang the local newspaper headlines. And as for the ‘Times of Mela,’ our pens stand ready to document the mishaps and mayhem of this delightful dual deputy doozy.