The Great Garbage Gala: WasteServ’s Windfall Win

Unbelievable Upswing in Uffiċjali tat-Trash

It was just another scorching summer day in Siggiewi, the kind where the only thing more relentless than the sun is your nanna asking if you’ve eaten enough. The local WasteServ workers, tired of being the butt of every waste-related wisecrack, were about to hit the jackpot in a way that would make the ħobż biż-żejt on your breakfast plate spin.

Let me introduce you to Dunstan “Dustcart” Demicoli, the unlikely hero of our tale, known amongst colleagues for two things: his penchant for parading around in day-glo vests, and his otherworldly ability to make trash disappear faster than a pastizz from a village festa. Dunstan and his fellow operatives were about to see their misfortunes tossed out like yesterday’s newspapers.

The Twist in the Tale of Trash

In an unforeseen turn of events that saw the island’s trash troubles tossed into the limelight, the WasteServ employees stumbled upon an ancient artifact amidst the rubble of the Gozo landfill. While the world thought they were just gritting through grit, they had unearthed none other than a mythical relic rumored to grant the wildest wishes of whoever possessed it—provided they could decipher its cryptic messages covered in centuries-old gunk.

“Biex tirbaħ il-logħba, iridu tindirizzaw l-għatx għall-għarfien (To win the game, you must address the thirst for knowledge),” read Toni “Trash Talk” Tabone, Dustcart’s best mate and part-time Maltese cryptographer. Who knew that rubbish routes would lead to riddles?

A collective lightbulb flickered above their sun-bleached caps – a collective bargaining agreement could solve both their economic woes and fulfill this enigmatic prophecy.

From Dumpsite to Delight: Ghastly to Gatsby

The employees, once barely scraping by, were catapulted into affluence. The ancient benefactor of bygones had apparently possessed a wicked sense of humor, ensuring that the Trash Troop’s salaries would now be linked directly to Malta’s most famous commodities—tourist volumes and construction dust density. As Malta is never short of either, the WasteServ workers found themselves unwittingly basking in the wealth of a miniature Maltese economic boom, all of their own.

Interview with Dunstan ‘Dustcart’ Demicoli

TIMES OF MELA: “So, Dustcart, how does it feel to go from grunge to grandeur overnight?”
Dunstan: “Mela, it feels like I just won the lottery, aye! I’m swimming in immigrant swans instead of suspiciously sticky styrofoam now. One moment we’re collecting garbage, and the next, we’re ordering rabbit stew with a side of gold leaf in Mdina’s fanciest restaurants!”

Social Media Eats It Up

The people of Malta took to Facebook like pastizzi to pea filling, expressing everything from joyous support to envy so thick you could cut it with a knife from one of those newly minted waste barons (which are now gold-plated, obviously).

“Finally, those WasteServ heroes get what they deserve! About time we make it rain for those dealing with our rubbish every day.” #TrashToTreasure

“Since when does dealing with ‘żibel’ get you more dough than running a ħanut? Uwejja, maybe I’ll quit my day job!” #GoldRushGarbage

A Trashy Conclusion with a Sustainable Spin

In a final eco-friendly twist, it seems that the newfound prosperity of the WasteServ workers might have ripple effects that extend beyond their hefty paychecks. With solid waste management becoming the hot-trending ‘IT-Activity,’ Malta’s youth now aspire to careers in ‘garbology,’ motivated by the prospect of good pay, social status, and meeting the island’s favorite new influencers at the weekly Garbage Gala—a swanky soiree that makes the Valletta Film Festival look like a low-budget indie flick.

Could the Maltese archipelago become the next big name in waste? Kollox possible, after this rags-to-riches recycler’s fantasy.

Stay tuned as we keep digging through the glorious garbage gossip. ‘Times of Mela’ will be first to let you know if there’s ever a trashier twist in this tail… sorry, tale!