The Grand Maltese Commissioner Conundrum

The Most Unexpected Election Campaign in Malta

Uwejja! Have you heard the latest saga to unroll beneath the golden Maltese sun? This tale begins, as all good stories should, in the bustling streets of Valletta, where the aroma of pastizzi fills the air, and the passionate discussions of politics echo through the limestone walls. But hold on to your ħobż biż-żejt, because things in Malta, as usual, are about to take an unusual turn.

The Eccentric Cast

Enter Spiridione, a former bocci champion from Mdina, with a mustache grander than the Grand Harbour itself. Following him is his trusty sidekick, Zaren, a Gozitan fisherman whose idea of a good time is telling tourists that the Azure Window still stands – under the sea, like Atlantis! Completing this motley crew is Ċetta, a tarot card reader from the Three Cities, who can predict everyone’s future but her own.

The Unexpected Proposal

The crux of the issue revolves around the local Police Commissioner, a post as coveted as the last slice of ħobż biż-żejt at a village festa. The opposition, not quite content with the current appointment system, has decided to file a savory parliamentary motion proposing a two-thirds majority vote to elect the new Commissioner. Now, who would’ve thought that this technical political matter would stir up such a touristic fuss?

The Campaign Trail

With the motion in play, Spiridione, with his silver tongue and bocci balls, decided it was time for action. He vehemently believed the only way to discipline the rowdy local seagulls was to elect the right Police Commissioner. In a twist of fate, Zaren threw his fisherman’s hat in the ring, backed by tall tales of his naval encounters with rogue jellyfish.

“Malta’s safety rests in the hands of this election. If I can navigate through a storm while catching lampuki, I can surely helm the police force!” declared Zarel, to a crowd of curious strays and befuddled tourists.

Amidst the commotion, Ċetta foresaw a surge in her tarot business, using the election as a way to lure in those seeking political insights. “The cards, they tell me… the new commissioner will bring a time of peace and kollox serenity,” she professed, hoping none would notice her new self-declared title as “The Seer of Siġġiewi.”

The Ballot Box Battle

Election fever caught on like wildfire as Spiridione orchestrated a national campaign that could only be described as ‘Festa Meets Carnival’. Within a week, every street corner had an opinion, and every Gina had a prophecy. Even the statues seemed to nod along to the prospect of democracy with a Maltese twist.

The Plot Thickens

As the election day approached, a scandal broke out, louder than the Għaxaq fireworks at 3 am. Zaren was reportedly sighted training seagulls to steal votes! “Mela, he’s using sea tactics on land!” the people gasped. But, in a perplexing rebuttal, Zaren responded with a simple, “How can I train seagulls when I can’t even train my moustache to stay put?”

A Turn for the Absurd

On the eve of the election, a ship full of disgruntled tourists mistook the voting booth for a pastry shop, casting votes in exchange for promised pastizzi. The results were chaos wrapped in puff pastry. By the end of the day, a surprise candidate won – a streetwise stray cat named “Il-Kap” that had charmed the voters with a rousing meow that echoed the will of the people.

“Democracy is a dish best served with a side of fish,” meowed Il-Kap, now the de facto Police Commissioner.

The Aftermath

The opposition’s motion had never accounted for four-legged candidates, leaving politicians scratching their heads and the public purring with laughter. Malta now had its first feline Police Commissioner, leaving Spiridione, Zaren, and Ċetta to wonder if it was time to trade politics for more predictable hobbies, like predicting next year’s Carnival float winners or starting an underwater guided tour of the no-longer-visible Azure Window.

Conclusion: Malta’s Meow-ment of Triumph

There you have it, folks! The story of how a motion, a stray cat, and an unforgettable campaign collided to create the most bewitching election Malta has ever seen. One thing’s for sure, at the Times of Mela, we believe every whisker and tail tells a tale – especially if it’s as purr-fectly Maltese as this one!

Stay tuned for more exploits and adventures, because one thing’s certain – in Malta, every corner hides a story that’s just waiting to leap out and grab you – much like Il-Kap the Police Commissioner, reigning over the islands with a benign paw. Mela, isn’t life just grand?