The Curious Case of the Mdina Misfit Mongoose and the Ghawdex Gobsmacked Goats

The Setup

Wun sunny mornin’, in the serene streets of Mdina, a mongoose of no small repute—Zaren by name—had somehow found himself at the centre of a loquacious brouhaha. ‘Course, mongooses (or is it mongeese?) aren’t ya typical Mdina residents, which nessitated the involvement of Tiziana, the town’s prime Pastizz purveyor and impromptu animal wrangler.

Enter Sandro, the Techy from Tarxien

Meanwhile, over in Tarxien, Sandro, famed for streamlining the ancient Ħaġar Qim temples into a high-tech selfie-spot (complete with facial recognition for that perfect stone-age filter), caught wind of the Mdina mongoose mischief. Smelling a story that could trump even the latest ħobż biż-żejt recipe swap meets, he scooted over on his electric scooter, sporting a head-cam for live coverage.

Zaren’s Grand Escape

Back at the old capital, amidst the uproar, Zaren the mongoose had scarpered away to Gozo. He fancied a taste of rustic life and had heard whispers of the goat cheese to die for—Ġbejniet, they called it. Now, abandoned mongooses aren’t known for their seafaring prowess, so the way he navigated across the channel is a tale one wouldn’t quite believe unless they read it in the ‘Times of Mela’!

The Plot Thickens: A Baaaad Situation

On the enchanted island of Gozo, a group of goats—known colloquially as “The Gobsmacked Goats” owing to their perpetual state of alarm—were about to have their serene field day turned topsy-turvy by the unexpected visitor. Carmela, the “matriarch” goat, sporting a bell that could be heard from the Citadella to Xlendi, led the charge against the scrawny creature who had dared to interrupt their daily cud-chewing.

“Uwejja, this mong-oosie is going to nibble all our ħalfa!” one of the younger goats bleated, with a tremble in her voice that only a truly terror-stricken caprine could muster.

Social Media Meltdown

Alas, this tale of inter-species drama was about to let loose pandemonium on the local web, thanks to Tiziana livetweeting the entire escapade. A “MongooseOnTheLoose” hashtag sprang up quicker than a Maltese fisherman could spin a fishy tale—a remarkable achievement by any measure.

“Wun mongoose outrunning a bunch of frantic farmers—#OnlyInMalta #MongooseOnTheLoose #MdinaMayhem #GhawdexGoats,” tweeted Sandro, all while zipping past the Ta’ Pinu Basilica for good measure.

Plot Twist: The Mongoose That Meowed

Now hold on to ya prickly pears, ’cause this story is about to take a turn even sharper than a Valletta alleyway! Behind the scenes, Zaren wasn’t just any old mongoose—he was actually a sneaky street cat with identity issues, raised by stray mongooses near Marsaxlokk Bay. He meowed in perfect mongoose patois, a linguistic anomaly that would baffle the unflappable Professor of Anthropomorphism at the University of Malta.

The Decorously Dishy Déno*****

Much to the surprise of everyone—goats and humans alike—the situation resolved when Zaren unveiled his true feline nature. He and Carmela, both outcasts in their own right, struck up a friendship and a business arrangement. Together, they launched “Mongoose Meows & Goat Giggles,” a boutique line of farm-friendly fashion accessories. Mdina’s quiet echoes now occasionally resound with the jingle-jangle of goat bell collars, while Gozo’s goats sport the chicest collars this side of the Mediterranean.

Interactive Element: Viewer’s Choice

The ‘Times of Mela’ invites readers to cast their votes for the next great Maltese caper:

• Should Sandro install live-streaming webcams on all of Valletta’s pigeons? #PigeonPerspective
• Could Tiziana’s pastizzi shop double as a mongoose/cat sanctuary? #PastizzPals
• Is there a potential cross-channel swimming race starring Zaren the cat (neé mongoose) and Carmela the goat? #SwimmySavvy

Send in your picks, and we’ll splice together the next hare-brained saga faster than you can say “Kollox sew, hawn Malta!”

Whether whiskered or woolly, it seems that in Malta, with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of unlikely friendship, kollox is possible!