The Curious Case of the Disappearing Dwellings

Valletta Vanishes!

Mela, you heard it right – numbers ain’t lying! Approved new residencis in our lovely Malta have seen a tumble down the hill, dropping faster than a pastizz falls into the deep fryer – a hefty 13.7% in the second quarter of 2024. Uwejja, where are they going, ħabib?

A Plot Emerges in Sliema

In a twist that’s weirder than a twistees packet without any twistees, residents report seeing whole blocks of flats playing peekaboo. One minute they’re there, offering magnificent views of Tigné Point, the next – poof! Vanished like that half-eaten ħobż biż-żejt you thought you saved for later.

Enter our unlikely hero, Carmelu, a retired bus driver turned amateur detective. With only a teħżiża (pocket radio) and a keen nose that could sniff out żebbuġ in a ġbejna, Carmelu set out from his hometown of Rabat on the trail of the missing apartments.

A Mystery Stew Bubbles in Gozo

Folks in Gozo thought they were watching too much TV when they saw their flat blocks doing the samba at midnight. As for the new residences? Gone, without a trace! Could there be a link to the famed Ġgantija Temples, or was it all just a trippy tale spun by an overenthusiastic Għawdxi named Manny after one too many glasses of prickly pear liqueur?

“Kollox is possible in Malta, my friend,” Carmelu chuckled, patting Manny on the back, while keeping an eye on his list of suspects, including a shady group of nanniet playing bocci by moonlight.

Mdina’s Medieval Mischief Mocks Modernity

In the silent city of Mdina, Carmelu encountered his strangest clue yet. There, by St. Paul’s Cathedral, lay a heap of modern building blueprints – all chewed up by what seemed to be a legendary Maltese fenek, scorned by the rapid urbanization and seeking revenge one blueprint at a time.

But the riddle remained, where did all the approved residences go? Amidst the smell of fresh pastizzi from a nearby vendor, Carmelu got his eureka moment. It wasn’t about where they were going, it was about when! Legends spoke of Mdina’s ability to send people back in time, but properties?

Time-Traveling Townhouses!

Our amateur sleuth discovered that the missing residences weren’t being destroyed or hidden; they were being sent back in time. By whom, you ask? An ancient order of ‘Ħaddiema tal-Ħin’ (Time Masons), determined to restore Malta to its architectural glory days before the era of concrete jungles invaded their feast view.

The Interactive “Where’s My Flat?” Campaign

The scandal broke out into the open faster than a tourist can ask for directions to the Blue Grotto. Carmelu teamed his teħżiża up with an online campaign. Each Maltese could now “Adopt a Time-Surfing Townhouse,” cleverly blending conservation with high-tech shenanigans.

“Listen, if you happen to spot your future flat in a 16th-century painting at the National Museum of Archaeology, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” joked Carmelu.

The plot twist had everyone in Malta and beyond chuckling. Whether it was the work of mystical masons or just a hiccup in the bureaucratic machinery, one thing was for sure – Malta would keep its charm, come what may!

The Comeback of the Century Stone House

As for the residency approval drop, it turned out that the ancient ‘Ħaddiema tal-Ħin’ may have done everyone a favor. With a newfound appreciation for traditional Maltese architecture, the markets witnessed a surge in stone house renovations and arched doorways making a comeback. All greeted with a collective “Mela, that’s more like it!”

So here we are, dear readers, another whacky but oh-so-very-Malta tale in the books. If your flat ever does come back from its time-tripping adventures, just roll with it. Maybe grab a ħobz biż-żejt, sit on your barumbara, and enjoy the ride. It’s all in a day’s work here on the Times of Mela, where the news is as bizarre as it is beloved.