The Curious Case of a President’s ‘Retirement’: An Adventure Into the Heart of Maltese Politics

On Ramona Attard’s Grand Farewell and the Fuss That Followed

In an unexpected twist that sent waves throughout the tranquil waters of Malta’s political scene, Labour president Ramona Attard announced she’d be stepping down after an eventful four years. But this was no ordinary resignation; it came with a declaration that left political pundits, party die-hards, and gbejna enthusiasts equally baffled: she would not seek any new positions, not even as the head of the Pastizzi Regulatory Authority.

“Mela, how can this be?” cried out the gossiping nanniet (grandmothers) at the Bingo night in Sliema. “She’s always been there, like the ħobż in our ħobż biż-żejt!” they lamented, brushing off crumbs of their favored snack.

Enter Dom Mintoff’s Ghost

It was at the stroke of midnight in the ancient city of Mdina, where the scent of rabbit stew still lingered in the air, that the plot took an even more absurd turn. Witnesses claimed to see the flickering visage of none other than Dom Mintoff – yes, you read that right, Mintoff! – floating through the city’s silent streets.

“I’ve come back to see Ramona’s next step,” the apparition allegedly declared in fluent Maltese-English, “uwejja, she’s not done yet!”

The Unexpected Twist: Uncovering the True Maltese Falcon

But the greatest shock was still to come. As the island buzzed with theories and bets were taken at the local band clubs, the tourists in Valletta stumbled upon something extraordinary: hidden beneath the Upper Barrakka Gardens was a secret passage, leading to an ancient chamber that housed the true Maltese Falcon – not a figurine, but a hilariously oversized pigeon, decked out in a pea-green tie and fraudulent tail feathers.

“It’s incredible,” exclaimed an unnamed expat, who only moved to Malta for the weather and tax benefits, “It’s almost as unbelievable as Gozo channel actually running on time!”

What’s Next: Ramona’s Game Plan

Amidst the chaos and bewilderment, an anonymous source (most likely a retired kunsillier who couldn’t keep a secret if their life depended on it) leaked Ramona’s true intentions. She wasn’t ending her career but was moving on to teach the passionate art of political PR to a class of aspiring ġbejna marketers in Gozo – a role so covert that it would make a Bond movie look like a kiddie’s cartoon.

“Din hi l-karriera ġdida,” Ramona allegedly stated over a cozy plate of timpana. “I plan to transform Gozitan cheese into Malta’s next top export, right after our beloved ‘kollox jista’ attitude!”

The Social Media Fiasco

Her Facebook event, “Politika u Ġbejniet: The Symposium,” went viral instantly, with the promised free samples of peppered cheese. Ironically, the online event page was besieged by expats clamoring for translations, leading to an impromptu partnership with Google Translate and a 78% spike in the use of the Maltese language on the platform.

The Last Laugh

As the island settled back into its routine, one thing became abundantly clear: Maltese politics could very well be the source of more intrigue and plot twists than a season of “Game of Thrones” on fast-forward. And at the heart of it all, Ramona Attard’s exit was not an ending, but the beginning of a new chapter in the ever-entangling, ever-delightful Maltese saga, where pastizzis still reign supreme, peace-loving pigeons masquerade as symbols of power, and the simple life goes on, serenely indifferent to the rumblings of its political theater.

Now, wouldn’t that be something to write home about, mela?