Maltese Inventor Strikes Gold: The Pastizzimo Machine

Meetings in Mdina: A Quirky Cast of Characters

It was a sunny afternoon in the quiet, timeless streets of Mdina, Malta’s old capital, where cobbled paths whisper tales of knights and nobility. Wistin, a notorious local DIY enthusiast with a penchant for outlandish inventions, had called an emergency meeting with his most trusted (and quite eccentric) friends: Salvu, a pastizzi connoisseur who dreamt of nothing but ricotta-filled pastries, and Doreen, a tech-savvy ħobż biż-żejt influencer with more Instagram followers than the population of Gozo.

“Listen, I’ve built something that will change our lives forever,” Wistin announced to his bewildered friends. His eyes gleamed with a mix of mischief and pride as he unveiled what looked like a cross between a washing machine and a cannon. “Behold, the Pastizzimo! A machine that makes pastizzi so fast, you can eat ’em quicker than saying ‘uwejja!’ and with half the calories.” Salvu nearly fainted at the sight, while Doreen was already live-streaming the revelation.

From Skepticism to Sensation

The Pastizzimo’s maiden voyage began at the Sunday fish market in Marsaxlokk. Armed with the machine and a megaphone, Wistin, wearing a chef’s hat two sizes too big, bellowed, “Get your futuristic pastizzi, straight outta tomorrow!” The crowd was skeptical until Salvu took the first bite, and his expression of ecstasy was all it took for the Maltese locals to swarm around the contraption.

“Mela! This tastes like the rabbit stew from my nanna’s kitchen!” one local exclaimed, as he juggled steaming pastizzi fresh from the Pastizzimo.

The Plot (Twist) Thickens…

Little did they know, the Pastizzimo, with its untested high-powered dough launch, had a mind of its own. Mid-demo, it malfunctioned and shot a pastizz directly at the statue of St. Peter – Valletta’s cherished landmark. The pastizz stuck to the statue’s extended hand, leaving the crowd in uproarious laughter until a bird of prey mistook it for actual prey and pridefully flew off, pastizz in talon!

A Culinary Misunderstanding

The hilarity escalated when a tourist, who had witnessed the flying pastry spectacle, misunderstood and launched a viral tweet:

“#Malta’s new tradition: Feeding eagles pastizzi! Must-see for nature enthusiasts #TravelTips #MaltaEagleFeeding.”

This tweet sparked confusion worldwide, leading to an unexpected influx of bird watchers to the island, all armed with cameras and high hopes of witnessing the ‘traditional’ pastizzi feeding. Meanwhile, the Pastizzimo became an overnight sensation, hailed as an unwitting environmental hero for providing ‘natural’ bird feeders.

Culinary Conundrum: The Pastizzimo Pandemonium

The success was short-lived, however, as pastizzi began raining over the island, launching the great ‘Pastizz Panic’ of 2023. The streets of Sliema were chaotic. Tourists ducked for cover, while locals equipped themselves with containers, gathering the pastries like a bizarre, spontaneous treasure hunt.

The Cleanup Brigade

The Minister for Public Cleanliness was not amused. Faced with an unprecedented pastizzi catastrophe, she enlisted a squad of clean-up volunteers. And so, by the powers vested in lighthearted community spirit, Malta’s first Pastizz Brigade was formed. Dressed in pastizzi-shaped hats for morale, they combed the streets, collecting the unexpectedly airborne food.

The Aftermath: Laughter and Lessons Learned

In the wake of pastizzi pandemonium, Wistin, Salvu, and Doreen became oddball heroes. The Pastizzimo was confiscated (for public safety), but their legend lived on, becoming a go-to pub story for weeks to come.

“Remember the day it actually rained pastizzi? Only in Malta, eh!” residents would chortle, shaking their heads with the fond exasperation only a Maltese could muster.

‘Times of Mela’ snagged an exclusive ‘interview’ with Wistin, where he philosophized, “Mela, sometimes you hit a wall—or a saint—with your ideas, but you just gotta laugh and make sure it’s all for a good cause. Plus, anyone got ideas for a figolla launcher?” With a wink, the island’s accidental revolutionary hinted he wasn’t quite done inventing.

Malta may not have had a new tradition of eagle pastizzi feeding, but the islanders came away with a testament to their adaptability, humor, and love for good food – even when it comes from the sky.

Stay tuned to the Times of Mela for more ‘true’ stories from the whimsical world only Malta could offer.