When the Fur Flies: The Great Gozitan Guzzler Strikes Again

A Not-so-Wild Chase in Gozo

It was business as usual in the quiet, picturesque island of Gozo, where the quaintest thing you’d expect to see was a għana singer belting out tunes about lost loves and the price of cabbages. But hold onto your faldetti, folks! There’s been an uproar that’s got everyone from Xagħra to Xlendi talking, and it ain’t about the latest increase in pastizzi prices.

Meet Ċensu Zammit, a local character known for his unsuccessful attempts at trapping wild birds, which often resulted in him catching nothing but a cold. One fine morning, Ċensu, equipped with his trusty slingshot and a heart full of hope, ventured to the salt pans near Marsalforn, his gaze set upon the sky. Little did he know he would soon become the talk of the Tabib tal-Irħula (Village Doctor) Facebook group.

The Hunt Begins

It began when Ċensu, squinting under the Maltese sun, spied what he thought was the rare and elusive Gozitan Guzzler, a bird so legendary it’s said to turn hunters into heroes – or laughingstocks. Gripping his slingshot with the finesse of a man who’d watched too many YouTube “how-to” videos, Ċensu took aim.

“Mela, today’s the day I finally prove myself!” Ċensu muttered, barely above a whisper.

The stone soared through the air like a ħelwa tat-tork fly – that is, slightly off course. The alleged “Guzzler” turned out to be a disgruntled local pigeon named Trevor, which flew off cackling and left Ċensu muttering uwejja under his breath.

Misfire and Mayhem

[Interactive Element: A mock tweet from Trevor the Pigeon]

@TrevorTalPitrol: Just got shot at by some guy with a slingshot! #PigeonLivesMatter #MaltaManMissesMark #GozitanGuzzlerMyTailFeather

Now, Marsalforn was buzzing with more gossip than a hairstylist on a Saturday morning. Rumors flew faster than Trevor’s wings, suggesting that Ċensu had finally snapped and declared war on all feathered creatures.

The police, arriving on the scene to investigate the “bird-brained” fracas, found a visibly distressed Ċensu attempting to explain through sobs that he only wanted to be Gozo’s answer to Davy Crockett.

Twist in the Tail

As it turned out, Ċensu’s shot didn’t end in total fowl failure. The stone from his slingshot ricocheted off a rubbery galletti package and hit the true Gozitan Guzzler – a contraption built by a local tinkerer named Ġanni to rid his fields of rabbits.

“Now how am I going to enjoy my fenek stew on Sunday?” Ġanni bemoaned, as he examined the dent on his precious Guzzler.

The hubbub caught the attention of a tourist in Valletta, who was livestreaming his confusion on Instagram.

“Is this like a cultural thing? Do you guys do public reenactment of Angry Birds here or what?” he asked his followers, shrugging to the camera.

Gozitan Guzzler: The Unexpected Hero

In a strange twist of fate, the tale of Ċensu’s maligned bird hunt put the spotlight on Ġanni’s rabbit-scaring machine, landing it a spot on the show “Invenzjonijiet Maltin Li Ħadd Ma Jeħtieġ.” Overnight, Ġanni became a local celebrity, and the Gadget Gauntlet race was organized to showcase Gozo’s most bizarre creations, featuring everything from self-folding laundry baskets to solar-powered ħobż biż-żejt dispensers.

As for Ċensu, he’s hung up his slingshot for good and found a new calling as a birdwatcher, dedicated to protecting the skies above the Maltese islands. He’s even started his own Twitch channel called “Birdman Ċensu,” where he imparts wisdom akin to Maltese proverbs, such as:

“Never use a slingshot when a kind word and a pastizz will do – especially if the bird’s name is Trevor.”

So, there you have it, folks; when feathery friends and wacky inventions collide, you get a story that’s undoubtedly one for the books – or at least, one for the Times of Mela. Now, go and tell your nanna about this one; it’s sure to beat the usual TV drama she’s hooked on!