The Misadventures of a Barber in Gozo

The Arrival of Trevor Sultana, the Most Maltese Australian in Gozo

It was a sunny morning in Gozo—surprise, surprise—as Trevor Sultana strutted down the narrow streets of Victoria with his surfboard under one arm and a kangaroo-leather hat atop his head. He was as Australian as they come, but with a Maltese last name and an odd craving for ħobż biż-żejt. Trevor had come to Malta to connect with his roots, and what better place to start than the serene island of Gozo, where time tick-tocks slower than a lazy pastizz cooling on a windowsill?

The Great Timpana Mix-Up of San Lawrenz

In San Lawrenz, he stumbled upon Toni Tabib’s barbershop, a place where haircuts were secondary to the latest village gossip. Trevor wanted a trim to blend in, convinced that everyone could spot his Aussie twang a mile away. Toni, mistaking Trevor’s accent for an exotic south of Gozo enunciation, offered him a ‘special’ haircut, a mix between a mullet and a mohawk which he called a “Timpana” due to its layered complexity.

As Toni snipped away, they chatted about everything from the panoramic Azure Window—a sight now only carried in locals’ hearts—to the succulent smells wafting from the nearby rabbit stew festival.

Romance and Rivalry in Rabat

Post-haircut, Trevor’s new look turned heads, especially that of Anġela Xuereb, a tourist guide from Mdina with a fiery love for the history and a laugh as hearty as the Mdina bastions are sturdy. But as romance blossomed over ftira, Anġela’s lifelong admirer, Ċikku, concocted a plan. A well-known prankster and infamous for “accidentally” directing tourists to the wrong festa, Ċikku was not about to lose Anġela to some Aussie imposter.

The Great Siege (Reenactment) Faceoff

Ċikku challenged Trevor to prove his Maltese worthiness through a reenactment of the Great Siege of Malta. Trevor accepted, eager to impress Anġela with his “Malteseness.”

Trevor, facing Ċikku in mock battle, brandished a plastic sword, yelling, “For Malta, and for my love Anġela!” to the cheers of children and bemused tourists.

However, it wasn’t the battle skills that won the day, but the unplanned comedy show that followed when a herd of goats wandered onto the reenactment field, mistaking Ċikku’s costume for feed.

A Final Plot Twist in Valletta

As the goat debacle made the rounds on local social media—garnering more laughs than a Maltese panto—Trevor and Anġela’s love story became a sensation, provoking even the Prime Minister to invite them over for tea and hobnobbing. But as the couple walked through the iconic Upper Barrakka Gardens, Anġela’s keen eye spotted a peculiar landmark on the horizon.

Out past the Grand Harbour, an unusual sight: a fully-grown kangaroo, hopelessly trying to mingle with a flock of Maltese sheep. Trevor, red with laughter, finally admitted his little “import” plan had gone awry, hoping to surprise Anġela with a touch of his homeland.

The kangaroo became an overnight sensation, even earning a cameo in the local village festa. Anġela, whose love for history now included an amusing chapter on Australian wildlife in Malta, embraced the twist, and they became the quirky couple newscasters just loved to report on.

The Venezia Boat Ride Interview

On a Venezia-themed boat ride across the harbour, with a GoPro mic awkwardly taped to the gondolier’s pole, the couple shared laughs:
Trevor: “Imagine coming to Malta and bringing a kangaroo.”
Anġela: “Mela, it’s better than a koala—those little critters sleep more than the siesta crowd in August!”

And so, the legend of Trevor Sultana, the Aussie with the Maltese heart (and hat), found a place among the folklore of the Maltese islands, proving that, whether in Gozo, Rabat, Valletta, or somewhere across the Blue Grotto, you can always find a slice of Malta to make your own—even if it hops.

Stay tuned for more off-kilter tales from the Times of Mela, diving next into the puzzling case of the Marsaxlokk fisherman who accidentally started an underwater disco. Uwejja, what a catch!