The Grand Siege of the Maltese Galletti

Valletta’s Unlikely Heroes

It was an ordinary sunny day in Valletta, where the limestone buildings shimmered like blocks of aged cheddar under the Mediterranean sun. Tourists were flocking in from every corner, eager to devour the island’s history, while a group of expats had gathered at the Upper Barrakka Gardens, hungrily eyeing the latest culinary attraction: artisanal galletti infused with experimental flavors like Ħobż biż-Żejt and rabbit stew.

Amidst the bustling crowd, there stood three friends: a Brit named John, who insisted on being called Ġwanni to blend in, an American named Jessica, who could outswear any sailor in Maltese, and a Frenchman named Pierre, whose pastizzi cravings were the stuff of local legend.

The Galletti That Stopped a Nation

But these weren’t your typical galletti. Oh no, these were ‘Biskuttini tal-Barrakka’—the unofficial national treasure. Crafted by the infamous Tas-Serkin bakery, which had decided to branch out from their traditional pastizzi-making. On that fateful day, the galletti stash was mysteriously depleting faster than Ġwanni could say “Mela, ħabib!”

In a panic, Jessica accessed her inner detective, swearing in two languages that she’d unravel the mystery. Pierre, meanwhile, was on his fifth galletti and blissfully unaware of the impending crisis.

The Mdina Misdirection

Just as the trio set out on their quest, a rumor spread that a hidden cache of galletti was stashed somewhere in the silent city of Mdina. Off they went, navigating through narrow streets older than the concept of queuing – which, for Ġwanni, was quite a culture shock.

They reached what they thought was a secret vault, only to be greeted by a flock of pigeons staging a sit-in, demanding more breadcrumbs. “Uwejja!” exclaimed Jessica, “I swear those pigeons are plotting something!” But the vault was empty, not a galletti in sight, and our heroes’ stomachs growled in defeat.

The Gozo Gambit

As night fell, a cryptic tweet from a cat-loving nun in Gozo suggested the missing galletti were there, being used as pawns in an epic battle of Ċess – the Maltese version of Chess. With no time to lose, they boarded the ferry, Pierre munching on leftover ħobż biż-żejt sandwiches to keep the hunger at bay.

The moment they set foot in Gozo, they were swept into a raucous festa celebrating the ‘Day of the Galletti’. Large effigies of galletti paraded down the streets, and every local they met winked conspiratorially when asked about the missing morsels.

The Great Galletti Revelation

“Kollox ser ikun aħjar! Hang tight, the galletti are coming,” assured a mysterious figure cloaked in a luzzu-patterned cape.

It turned out, the entire disappearance was a ploy by a coalition of Maltese nanas who wanted to teach everyone the value of moderation and appreciation for local treats. They had diverted the galletti to the festa to ensure their responsible distribution and safe enjoyment by all, following the wise Maltese saying: “Il-ħin hu deheb, imma l-galletti huma eterni,” which loosely translates to “Time is gold, but galletti are eternal.”

Ġwanni, Jessica, and Pierre were hailed as the unwitting heroes of Valletta, their expedition bringing attention to the galletti cause. As a token of gratitude, they were each granted a lifetime supply of galletti, provided they ration them sensibly, much to Pierre’s initial dismay.

The Aftermath

The Great Siege of the Maltese Galletti was etched into the annals of history, right next to the time the entire island ran out of tomato paste. Nowadays, you’ll find Ġwanni leading galletti appreciation tours, Jessica giving motivational talks on embracing local customs, and Pierre running a support group for overindulgent pastizzi fans.

And as for those crafty nanas? They continued to rule the archipelago from the shadows, always watching, always waiting, forever holding the key to Malta’s snack reserves. Because, in Malta, if there’s one thing that unites everyone, it’s the love for a good, crispy galletti. Mela, cheers to that!