When Pigeons Dream: Malta’s Film Indastry Faces a Twist

Valletta Vignettes

Ajma! In a move that has left local film enthusiasts gasping like fish out of water, the Malta Film Commission has just declared, “Mela, we’re done with funding!” It seems the commission has transferred all its dough, uwejja, straight into building what they call a ‘mega-monument’ to the most revered Maltese icon: the pigeon.

The streets of Valletta buzzed with chatter as Ċikku, the three-time winner of the ‘Għajn Tuffieħa Lookalike Contest’, flapped his news across Republic Street. “Listen, I saw it with my own eyes, those fat pigeons are getting a statue instead of my next blockbuster hit,” said Ċikku, as he waved his unfinished script ‘Il-Kbir Għadu Ġej: The Seagull’s Revenge’ in despair.

A Plot Twist in Sliema

The Malta Film Commission’s spokesperson, Dunstan il-Filmaħoliku, attempted to calm the winds in Sliema with a press conference at the scene of the future ‘Pigeon Pantheon’. He took a deep breath and announced, “Kollox se jkun sew! This artistic pigeonry will attract tourists like pastizzi attracts locals. Imagine our feathery friends immortalized in flight, majestically above a ‘Dolby Surround Sound’ cooing system!”

“Sure ta, but what about our films, ha?” shouted Rita l-Flix, a distraught director known for her award-losing series, ‘Mur Marsaxlokk Ma’ Rita’.

Dunstan, dodging Rita’s flip-flop thrown in cinematic protest, added, “Plus, this will be interactive! Visitors can feed the statues – digital breadcrumbs, mind you, all very eco-kosher. We might even throw in a free ħobż biż-żejt if they can mimic a pigeon convincingly.”

Mdina Mayhem

Just when things couldn’t get more bizarre, a revelation hit Mdina like a crumbling bastion: the pigeon statues would be financed by a mysterious donator known only as ‘Il-Konti tal-Qamiħ’. This gluten mogul’s condition for funding? Ensuring the pigeon monument is visible from Gozo on a clear day.

“It will be magnificent, ta! Bigger than il-Gardjola,” exclaimed Silvio l-Passju, local birdwatcher turned monument enthusiast, as he sipped his Kinnie at a nearby cafe overlooking the old capital.

Meanwhile, at a secret underground pastizzeria in Gozo, where ħobż biż-żejt flows more than water and twistees crunch underfoot, whispers of ‘rebellion’ rustled the napkins. Does Gozo even want this monstrous ornithological ode?

Gozo’s Guerrilla Filmmakers

In the shadow of the Ċittadella, a covert collective known as ‘Ġganti tal-Ġebel’ led by the elusive Dorian il-Drone, pledged to use aerial footage to superimpose digital films onto the pigeon statue. “If they won’t fund our films, we’ll make the monument our screen!” declared Dorian, as he put on his VR headset in defiance.

Local rabbit stew makers, sensing an opportunity, started offering ‘cinematic dining experiences’, pairing each illegally projected film with a corresponding flavor of stew. “Eat il-kunel while you watch ‘Bunnies of Burmarrad’! Dawra kollox,” suggested Lina tal-Lampuki, the innovative culinary artist.

Uwejja, What’s Next?

As the pigeon plot thickened, so did the intrigue surrounding Malta’s film industry. With shadowy figures pulling strings and feathery fiascos afoot, what does the future hold for Malta’s artistic vision? Will the ‘Dolby Surround Sound’ cooing echo with delight or dismay? Mela, only time will tell!

Stay tuned to Times of Mela for more updates on these feather-ruffling developments and for your daily dose of satirical squawks. Remember, when pigeons dream, Malta takes flight!