The Tale of the Timpana-Touting Tourist

An Unlikely Hero Emerges in Valletta

Once upon a sunny afternoon in the limestone-laden city of Valletta, Ċensu, a jovial tour guide known for his polka-dotted bow tie and a hat so large it offered shade to his entire group, led a motley crew of camera-clad tourists through the bustling streets. However, among the flocks of foreigners was one peculiar tourist that caught everyone’s eye – an adventurous chap named Bernard, who, instead of a camera, toted a massive timpana, a local pastalike delicacy, in his backpack wherever he went.

Sliema’s Social Media Sensation

“Oy, did you see that guy with the casserole on his back? #TimpanaTravels is trending in Sliema!”

Indeed, Bernard became an overnight social media sensation, as the residents of Sliema spotted him gallivanting along the promenade, with the hashtag #TimpanaTravels exploding on “Twizzer” and “Instaglam.” Each picture showcased him posing with his dish beside iconic sights, from the Grand Harbour to the Upper Barrakka Gardens, but Bernard was after something greater than likes and shares.

A Rabbit Stew Riddle in Gozo

As fate would have it, our timpana-touting traveler boarded the ferry to Gozo, seeking the wisdom of a reputed oracle known merely as Dun Karm. Rumors swirled that Dun Karm’s psychic stew – a hefty bowl of rabbit stew – could unveil the deepest mysteries of life. In a fortuitous twist, Bernard bumped into Dun Karm at a hole-in-the-wall eatery, who agreed to divine Bernard’s future. But instead of sipping the stew, Dun Karm flipped the script and tasted the timpana!

Mdina’s Manic Mayhem

The plot thickened like perfectly simmered tomato sauce when Bernard returned to the silent city of Mdina, the timpana in tow, only to discover that he’d been duped! In his absence, Dun Karm had craftily replaced the timpana with a fake – a hollowed-out decoy filled with brochures for a timeshare in Ħaż-Żebbuġ.

The Counter-Culinary Coup

Bernard, however, was no fool. With the stealth of a Maltese knight and a dash of cunning, he swapped the phony timpana with the original during Dun Karm’s séance-themed supper, a dazzling event attended by none other than the Prime Minister, who had hoped to consult the oracle about optimal dates for campaigning.

“And in an unprecedented turn of events, the Prime Minister’s party launched ‘Operation Ottimizza,’ a political strategy based on Dun Karm’s forecasts – only to be led on a wild goose chase across the islands, chasing after what we can now reveal to be…a tourist’s pasta bake!”

Unraveling the Uwejja! – An Interview with Bernard

Where in the World is Bernard’s Timpana?

In a heartwarmingly chaotic conclusion, Bernard’s timpana was revealed to have been secretly auctioned to a clandestine group of pastizzi purists, intent on preserving traditional Maltese cuisine. Yet, thanks to Bernard’s escapades – now immortalized on social media – the timpana took its rightful place as a culinary symbol of resilience and wanderlust.

So if you find yourself in the Maltese Archipelago, keep your eyes peeled for a jovial tourist and his world-famous timpana – the dish that deceived an oracle, bamboozled a Prime Minister, and captured the hearts of a nation. And remember, in Malta, the next absurd adventure is always just around the corner, or perhaps, hiding in your lunch.

Lessons Learned and Laughs Shared

In the end, whether you’re strolling through Valletta, lounging in Sliema, or seeking oracles in Gozo, one thing’s for sure: the Maltese islands are filled with more flavors and follies than a timpana has layers. And as for Bernard, the Timpana-Touting Tourist? His story lives on, a delicious reminder to always pack a sense of humor (and maybe a fork) on your travels.

Uwejja, stay tuned for more comical capers from the sun-soaked shores of Malta – right here at Times of Mela. After all, who needs fiction when you’ve got Malta?