The Great Ħobż Biż-Żejt Heist of Sliema

Mysterious Crumb Trail Leads to Chaos

In a turn of events that can only be described as “Only in Malta, uwejja!” the quiet seaside township of Sliema was rocked by a heist that had even the famed Three Cities arches echoing with laughter. Local self-proclaimed ‘sandwich artist,’ Bendu il-Belti, known for crafting the most divine ħobż biż-żejt this side of Valletta, reported a robbery more bizarre than a bus schedule on a festa day.

The victim, a towering stack of freshly baked Maltese bread, rubbed with tomato and lovingly doused in the finest olive oil, disappeared without a trace from Bendu’s artisanal bike-basket. But this was no ordinary theft; it left behind a crumb trail of epic proportions — and a town scratching their heads and patting their bellies.

Meet the Crumb-y Culprits

Enter the unlikely masterminds: Wenzu minn Marsaxlokk, a retired fisherman with a nose for the ocean and a belly for bread, and his partner in crime, Ċensa tal-Qrendi, whose hands were blessed by the pastry saint herself. The two devised a cunning plan to redistribute the wealth of carbs in Sliema, sparking what became known as ‘The Great Ħobż Biż-Żejt Redistribution Scheme of 2023’.

The Plot Thickens Like Pea Puree

The dynamic duo made use of innovative tools like fishing nets to snag the sandwiches and a donkey named ‘Dun Kikklu’, trained to trot inconspicuously while they carried out their deliciously devious deeds. Little did they know, a band of nosy nannas from the nearby town of Mdina, with eyes sharper than the blade at the Mgarr festa, were onto them.

The Turn of the Toast: An Unexpected Twist

As it turned out, Wenzu and Ċensa had bitten off more than they could chew. While attempting to pilfer pastries from the ever-festive village of Gozo, Dun Kikklu, burdened with the weight of stolen sandwiches, decided enough was enough. Plot twist: Dun Kikklu was an undercover agent, a member of the elite Equestrian Pastry Protection Programme (EPPP), bent on busting bread bandits.

An Interview with the Unbridled Hero

“Neigh-ONE ever suspects the donkey,” hee-hawed Dun Kikklu during our exclusive interview. “It’s always the silent ones you have to watch out for, especially when breadcrumbs are involved!”

The Crummy Conclusion and Social Media Shenanigans

The story came to a crumbly halt when Wenzu and Ċensa, faced with the reality of their carb-caper-caper coming to a close, decided to confess. They threw themselves at the mercy of the town’s citizens, who, after much discussion and several bites of the controversial sandwiches, decided on a fitting punishment.

The culprits were sentenced to a lifetime supply of catering for all the town’s socials – because there’s truly no greater burden than feeding an endless barrage of Maltese relatives who always claim to be just a ‘zgħir bit peckish’.

Twitter Erupts with #MalteseMunch

Twitter user @ĦobżLover69 tweeted: “Just when you think you’ve seen kollox in Malta, a donkey goes and becomes a national hero. I’m not even surprised anymore. #ĦobżHeist #MalteseMunch”

One Last Slice of Humor

When asked what drove them to initiate such an ill-fated endeavor, Ċensa replied, “We just wanted to add a bit of żaqq to everyone’s life, mela! But I guess we’ll stick to fishing and baking for now.”

Kollox considered, the residents of Sliema have learned an invaluable lesson: Never come between a Maltese and their beloved ħobż biż-żejt. And for any would-be heisters out there, remember, even the donkeys aren’t what they seem on this beautiful, bread-loving island.

Lest we forget, as the Maltese saying goes, “Aħjar ħobż u tazza inbid milli steak tar-re jew landa xampanja.” Or, when in Malta: Better bread and a cup of wine, than the king’s steak or a can of champers!

Stay tuned for more whimsical wonders and crummy capers, dear readers. Until then, keep your friends close, your sandwiches closer, and always carry a spare loaf – because in the Times of Mela, you just never know.