The Curious Case of The Maltese Falzon

Part One: The Peculiar Event

Once upon a sunny afternoon in the buzzing streets of Valletta, there was a man named Leli. Now, Leli wasn’t your run-of-the-mill type of fella. He was the kind who believed his rubber ducky could tell the future — a ‘duck-whisperer,’ if you will. Our story starts with a twist almost as twisted as a spiral imqaret.

Leli had strolled into a quaint little café, a stone’s throw away from the Grandmaster’s Palace, craving a bit of his favourite ħobż biż-żejt. But as soon as he laid his eyes on the display, he gasped. There, amongst the loaves of bread and tuna fillings, lay a peculiar pair of spectacles that shone like the Mosta Dome on a feast day. “Uwejja! These gotta be the legendary spectacles of Dun Ġwann!” he exclaimed.

Part Two: The Characters Emerge

Making his way out of the café with his newfound treasure perched precariously on his nose, he bumped into a tanned, flip-flop wearing tourist named Chuck from Bormla, who was so perplexed by the local buses that he’d given up and started walking everywhere. “S’how do you get to Gozo on these thingies?” Chuck asked, pointing to his feet. Leli laughed, his spectacles twinkling. “First, you have to dance the mazurka with a Gozitan goat,” he replied.

Expats and Their Ways

“Travel by foot to Gozo, my friend, and you’ll learn the true meaning of ‘Mela!'” Leli said with a wink. Chuck was wide-eyed, scribbling down this ‘local advice’ in his travel diary.

Meanwhile, in a back alley of Mdina, a fierce debate raged between two elderly women, Zija Bettina and Zija Karmena. Bettina was claiming to have seen Elvis buying pastizzi from her favourite bakery, while Karmena argued it was merely a lost British tourist in a sparkly jumpsuit.

Part Three: The Confusion Magnifies

Leli, with his new specs, started seeing things nobody else did. In fact, he began claiming that the Fountain of Triton was whispering sweet nothings about rabbit stew recipes from Nadur. The only problem? The fountain was in Valletta, not Nadur.

The Unveiling Truth

“I tell you, these spectacles are enchanted with the spirit of Dun Ġwann! He was known for his love of a good Gozitan rabbit stew, mela! He must’ve cast a spell on them or something!” Leli argued with Zija Bettina and Zija Karmena, who had now joined him in his curious spectacle debacle.

Part Four: A Plot Twist to End All Twists

Just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any weirder, a local archaeologist named Dr. Fenech stumbled upon the scene. Barefoot and breathless from digging all day, he announced, “I’ve just unearthed an ancient manuscript beneath St. John’s Co-Cathedral, and it says here that Dun Ġwann’s spectacles must be worn by a true-believing Malteser during the full moon, or the islands shall suffer from a pastizzi shortage!”

The crowd gasped. Not the pastizzi shortage! It was as if St. Paul had gotten his ship wrecked again, and all of Malta felt a collective rumble in their tummies. It was decided then and there that Leli must dance with the Gozitan goat under the full moon whilst wearing the spectacles, for the sake of all the plump peas and creamy ricotta to come.

Part Five: The Resolution

Under a starry night, the entire island tuned in via a singular Facebook Live event, as Leli, adorned in his glowing spectacles, performed the mazurka with the talented goat. As the clock struck midnight, the island’s Wi-Fi trembled — but held strong — and the spell was broken. Chuck, watching from his makeshift raft halfway to Gozo, cheered, tossing his flip-flops overboard in jubilation.

Malta’s Unseen Victory

Malta rejoiced. Leli became a hero, Chuck found his way to Gozo (eventually), and Zija Bettina and Karmena went back to arguing over their fantastical sightings. Dr. Fenech’s pastizzi relief fund skyrocketed, ensuring Malta’s jewel — its supreme pastry — would never be in peril again.

And as for the rubber ducky? “It predicted the entire fiasco,” Leli would say with a grin, “Ducky knows kollox, my friends. Mela, until the next odd-ball adventure strikes our beloved islands, stay tuned — and keep an eye on your bread.” The Maltese Falzon — faithful to the tradition of responding to every twist with humor and a hearty bite of pastizzi.

Times of Mela — Keeping Malta chuckling, one peculiar event at a time.