A Match Made in Mdina: Love and Luzzu in the Age of Social Media

The Great Maltese Love Triangle

It was a sunny day in the sleepy town of Mdina, where nothing much happens apart from tourists losing their way to the Silent City and pelicans waiting for their close-ups. However, the serenity was disrupted when the town’s renowned bachelor, Spiro, a local luzzu painter with an affinity for ħobż biż-żejt, uploaded a selfie on ‘Pajjiżgram’ showing off his latest boat art masterpiece.

The post was swarmed with likes and “Uwejja! 🔥” comments, but one reply stood out like a sore thumb or a jellyfish in clear waters, “Iz-żobb hu tiegħek,” commented a mysterious account named “Għanja_tal-Baħar87.” Unbeknownst to Spiro, this single comment would set sail to a whirlwind of love, confusion, and hilarity.

Meet the Players: Tgħanniqa, Spiro’s Soulmate?

Tgħanniqa was known as the enchanting siren of Valletta’s coastline—not for her singing, mind you, but for her unmatched talent in turning seafood into scrumptious dishes, like the best rabbit stew east of Gozo. Her ‘Għanja_tal-Baħar87’ was a tribute to Malta’s 1987 Eurovision entry, an event she swore changed her life.

Her days were spent crafting culinary waves, except for those few minutes she dedicated to scrolling through Pajjiżgram, looking for… well, inspiration. That’s until Spiro’s luzzu artwork caught her eye, and she couldn’t resist dropping what she thought was a ‘cheeky’ comment.

The Luzzu Loophole

“I wanted to see if this Spiro was as colorful as his boats, uwejja. I’m tired of the same old fish in the sea!” Tgħanniqa confessed in a mockumentary-style interview we totally didn’t make up.

To Tgħanniqa’s surprise, Spiro responded with a direct message, as smooth as a jar of peanut butter left in the sun: “Trid toħroġ miegħi?” And just like that, a date was set. However, with love online often comes a catfish or two, dragging their nets behind them.

Enter: Doreen, the Exotic Pastizz Sommelier

Meanwhile in Gozo, Spiro’s other admirer, Doreen, a pastizz sommelier who paired flaky pastries with vintage Kinnie, had also set her heart on the luzzu artist. “Spiro’s the one who painted my boat, ‘Is-Serħan tal-Qalb.’ It’s a pastizz-inspired luzzu,” Doreen boasted on a rival’s Instagram live session, showcasing her meticulously manicured hand holding a cheese-filled treat against the colorful backdrop of the luzzu.

The Art of Love and Social Media Warfare

Tgėanniqa and Doreen, unbeknownst to one another, were in love with the same man, the Leonardo da Vinci of luzzu painting. Tensions rose faster than bread dough in a sunny Maltese kitchen. It was only a matter of time before the love triangle became the talk of the island, and Spiro was none-the-wiser.

Both women started posting cryptic “About Last Night” stories filled with suggestive emojis, a boatload of puns, and subliminal seafood and pastizz imagery.

The Plot Twist: Spiro’s Secret

Spiro, whose love for social media was as sincere as a tired donkey on a steep hill, decided to come clean. In a jaw-dropping plot twist, he revealed during a ‘Facebook Live’ famous across Malta that he was not interested in romance. Instead, he was searching for the perfect muse to inspire his greatest luzzu painting ever! Seeking a combination of seafood expertise and pastry know-how, he sought to paint “Il-Luzzu tal-Imħabba”—a boat celebrating Maltese love.

“Ħbieb, I’m flattered but kollox well calculated. I needed two muses, one from the land and one from the sea, to create the ultimate Maltese masterpiece,” Spiro confessed, live in front of a crowd gasping for air between bites of ħobż biż-żejt.

Love Finds Its Way

Surprisingly, Tgħanniqa’s heart warmed to the idea. In a dramatic turn of events, she forgave Spiro, even suggesting a fusion of rabbit stew and pea pastizzi for Spiro’s grand painting ceremony. Doreen, however, had other plans. She realized that her love for pastizzi was far greater than any man, and she went on to become the first Michelin-starrated pastizz sommelier, leaving the art of luzzu painting behind.

The Heart of Malta Prevails

In a heartwarming conclusion, Spiro finished “Il-Luzzu tal-Imħabba,” which featured the dynamic flavors of Malta, and it was heralded as a national treasure. Love in Malta was tricky, but combine art with pastizzi and the sea, and you get something as beautiful and complicated as a Maltese road system.

And they all lived happily ever after, with their profiles set to private, of course, except for ‘Times of Mela,’ where the updates on Spiro’s luzzu can be followed and admired by everyone with a good sense of humor and a craving for Maltese charm.