Topsy-Turvy Tales from Ta’ Qali: The Referendumb Conundrum

In Which a Simple Inquiry Turns the Island Upside Down

It was another sunny day in the Maltese archipelago, a day much like any other on the bustling streets of Valletta. But not all was as tranquil as the serene blue waters surrounding the island. A storm was brewing, not of clouds and lightning, but of politics and public opinion. And in the eye of this maelstrom stood one peculiar character: Carmel surnamed l-Expert.

Carmel wasn’t an expert in the traditional sense. His expertise lay in his uncanny ability to wade through the labyrinthine bureaucracy of Maltese governance with the agility of a feral cat navigating Mdina’s medieval streets. But on this particular day, even he found himself befuddled by the government’s latest announcement: a reform to create an inquiry so secret, not even the inquirers knew what they were inquiring about!

Referendumb: You Say Tomato, I Say Tadam

The people were in an uproar. “Uwejja, how can we have a referendum on something we know kollox about?” they clamored in the forums of Gozo, Malta’s sister island, known for its idyllic tranquility, which was now as distant a memory as the last peaceful night’s sleep for many a Gozitan.

It was at this moment that a boisterous group named “Momentum” banded together. Forget ħobż biż-żejt or pastizzi, Malta’s true national pastime had become churning referendums out of thin air. This one, however, had a twist—Momentum wanted a referendum on the government’s ‘anti-democratic’ inquiry reform, a move as divisive as asking whether pineapple belongs on pizza in a room full of Italian chefs.

The Ballot Brouhaha

As Carmel, a proud advocate for the “common man,” joined the fray, he couldn’t help but marvel at the complexity of the situation. The ballot was a marvel of ambiguity, with questions like, “Do you think that thing we might do should be done in the way you don’t know? Yes, No, or Maybe?”

“Ah, the democratic process in Malta—it’s like watching a festa fireworks display,” Carmel mused. “You never quite know if the next one will dazzle or just go up in smoke.”

A Rubik’s Cube of Politics: Twisted and Turned

As the day of the Referendumb approached, the streets erupted with competing slogans. “No to inquiries we can’t inquire about!” Some chanted, while others retaliated with, “In secret we trust, keep our inquiries hushed!”

Amidst the rambunctious rabble, a group of cheeky teens launched a viral social media campaign featuring a confused nanna trying to fill out the ballot paper, which only added fuel to the country’s satirical fire.

The Not-So-Secret Secret Inquiry

The night before the referendum, something unprecedented happened. An anonymous whistleblower exposed the true nature of the secret inquiry: the government had planned to investigate which is Malta’s most beloved landmark, deciding between the Azure Window (may it rest in peace), the silent beauty of Mdina or perhaps the Hal Saflieni Hypogeum. Suddenly, the Referendumb became a matter of national pride.

The following day, a record number of voters turned out, each fiercely determined to have their say in what seemed to be the most vital decision since the Great Siege. The result was a landslide—Maltese citizens unanimously agreed they didn’t want a secret inquiry; they wanted an inquiry into why their landmarks weren’t already considered the eighth wonder of the world!

Epilogue: When the Dust Settled

In the aftermath of the Referendumb, Malta found itself with a newfound sense of unity. Ironically, it wasn’t the secret inquiry that spurred this wave of patriotism but rather the common goal of having their beloved landmarks recognized.

As for Carmel, he became a local hero—a symbol for the voice of reason in a sea of chaos. And the government? They learned a valuable lesson: never underestimate the collective power of a democratic and witty island nation. The inquiries were no longer shrouded in secrecy, and instead, each ballot paper henceforth included a little disclaimer:

Mela, we promise to keep it simple. Now, who’s up for a nice plate of rabbit stew?”

And with that, Malta marched on, forever ready to face the next absurdity with humor, grace, and a side of pastizzi.