Topsy-Turvy at Fort Chambray: A Pastizz in the Works

Activists Go Bananas Over Building Bonanza

Gozo’s once-sleepy Fort Chambray is now bustling with the clamor from local activists who’ve employed the might of the pen, the power of the placard, and the ancient force of grumbling onto social media to voice maiden appeals against the dastardly duo of PA permits. It was supposed to be just another serene Saturday morning, with the sun giving everyone a good Mediterranean grilling, but instead, there arose an uprising fueled by the incensed spirits of Carmen, Dun Karm (a local priest, not the poet, mind you), and Spiro.

With ħobż biż-żejt in their bellies and fire in their eyes, they stood shoulder to shoulder, their voices crying out in unison for justice. You’d think they were preparing for the next Eurovision entry with the kind of harmonious racket they were making! Their forums of choice? The controversial foundations of Fort Chambray, where luxury apartments were set to rise taller than a Birkirkara townhouse’s ego.

Faux News Segment: Interview with the Incensed

“Uwejja, this is madness!” declared Carmen, her head adorned with a traditional Maltese lace headdress known as ‘ghonnella’. “Our Fort Chambray’s going to look like a shopping complex with too many floors. We’ll have more shades than a beach full of umbrellas. I protest this development with every fiber of my għonnella!”

Dun Karm, pausing fervently from his prayer beads, added, “These permits are like trying to fit a Gozo ferry into a Valletta side street – it just won’t jive! They’re building over our heritage like it’s some old pastizz wrapper. Mela, we can’t have that!”

Finally, Spiro, a man whose age-defying mustache was the envy of the island, chimed in, rocking on his peculiarly high-pitched voice: “What they’re planning to build here, I even think my pet rabbit could design something better. And she particularly dislikes rabbit stew; says it’s too unoriginal.”

Plot Twist: The Accidental Time Capsule

One might have thought that things would relent when the sun decided to dial down the heat, but no – this was far from over. As excavators dug in preparation for the development, they unearthed what appeared to be an ancient time capsule. Priests, protesters, and PA officials gathered around this unexpected discovery, their bickering paused by collective curiosity.

Inside, were not treasure troves, royal jewels, or ancient Phoenician inscriptions, oh no. This capsule contained a collection of vintage pastizzi wrappers, a cassette tape labeled ‘The Best of Maltese Ballads,’ and, inexplicably, plans for a never-built underwater tunnel connecting Mdina to Valletta for horses.

The uncovering of these bizarre artifacts flipped the script. The activists found a new battle cry: “Preserve our subterranean horse-tunnel heritage!” They envisioned relaying their message via protests, writing compelling think pieces, and potentially knitting an oversized għonnella to cover the entire fort in defiance.

Interactive Tweets From the Frontline

In response to the day’s theatrics, the #FortChambrayFiasco trended on Twieqi, Malta’s own social media platform that’s thirty percent less efficient than the original—always buffering like a busy ferry in summertime.

@ChambrayCarmen: Just dug up a cassette in Fort Chambray. Guess the ancestors wanted us to listen to something more melodious than jackhammers and drills. #FortChambrayFiasco

@DunKarm4Justice: If our forefathers used an underwater tunnel for their horses, surely we can use some common sense before building over our history. AMEN. #PAwhatAreYouDoing #FortChambrayFiasco

@SpiroStache: Imagine my rabbit, Fluffy, as an architect. Probably do a better job than these plans! #FortChambrayFiasco #BunnyBuildingBetter

In the end, the story of Fort Chambray’s almost development became one for the books—part protest, part accidental history class, and entirely a Maltese affair. As for the development plans? They were tabled for revision, tucked away in some PA bureaucrat’s desk drawer, awaiting another bout of collective Maltese outrage… or the discovery of another time capsule, perhaps one with the original recipe for our beloved pastizzi.

Stay with us for more whimsical coverage at the Times of Mela, your source of truth with a chuckle. Or as we say locally: ‘Kollox bil-ħlewwa, ħuti!’