The Misadventure of Dr. Zaren and the SLAPP-happy Steward Saga

Chapter 1: The Silent Gavel Falls in Spain

In the heart of a bustling Spanish courtroom, which felt as far from the Mediterranean serenity as a rabbit stew is from a diet plan, a case as peculiar as a pastizz without peas unfolded. The defendant, Mediatoday, stood accused of… well, nothing particularly clear, as the presiding judge’s expertise in Maltese shenanigans was as limited as a tourist’s understanding of ‘Mela’.

Chapter 2: Dr. Zaren, Unlikely Legal Eagle

Enter Dr. Zaren, the Maltese maverick with a penchant for legal escapades, whose dress sense screamed Mdina dusk, and whose legal experience was on par with those who passionately argue about football in Valletta’s side streets. Despite this, Zaren was unstoppably enthusiastic; his battle cry, ‘Uwejja!’, could even rally the silent statues of Gozo to action.

Zaren’s Eureka Moment

Skimming through dusty law tomes with the determination of a child chomping through ħobż biż-żejt, Dr. Zaren stumbled upon a procedural loophole that seemed as delicious as a perfectly baked qassatat. “Kollox sorted,” he exclaimed. If only he knew how to pronounce ‘procedural default’ in Spanish, or at least how to bring it up without sounding like he was ordering tapas.

Chapter 3: The Plot Unravels

A twist as unexpected as finding chicken in your pastizz cheese emerged when Dr. Zaren realized that Mediatoday had not been served proper notice due to a postman’s detour for a festa in Żejtun. The legal documents had been mistakenly used to mop up spilled Kinnie at the celebration, turning the evidence into a sticky mess of legal jargon and soft drink.

From Courtroom to Newsroom

Dr. Zaren’s grand statement: “The Spanish court might have ruled a procedural default, but in the court of public opinion, Mediatoday stands as a monument of Maltese tenacity, much like the Azure Window stood before… Well, before it didn’t.”

Chapter 4: Interactive Engagement

In a bid to involve the public, the Times of Mela launched a mockumentary-style social media campaign, #SLAPPorClap, where fellow Maltesers could express their support for Mediatoday by posting videos of either clapping or simulating a SLAPP. The campaign went viral faster than a rumour of a Gozitan festa featuring unlimited ftira.

Epilogue: A Twist of Lime with a Pinch of Salt

In a final, astonishing twist that sent shockwaves from Sliema to Santa Venera, the Spanish judge admitted a deep, abiding love for pastizzis, declaring him emotionally compromised. The case was dismissed, making Dr. Zaren an overnight sensation, much to the confusion of legal experts who were still trying to translate his victory speech dabbed with joyous cries of ‘Mela’ and ‘Uwejja’.

Morale of the story? In a world where a procedural default can be both a setback and a path to folk-hero status, sometimes one simply needs to laugh, take a bite of their favorite Maltese treat, and exclaim, “That’s just how the pastizz crumbles in the Times of Mela!”