Operation: Pastizz-Pocalypse in Valletta

The Mysterious Case of Disappearing Ħobż biż-Żejt

In the heart of Valletta, just a stone’s throw away from the majestic Upper Barrakka Gardens, something utterly misterjus was afoot. The bustling streets, usually scented with the aromatic blend of garlic and fresh bread, were struck by an inexplicable shortage of ħobż biż-żejt. Panic ensued as locals were left breadless, oil-less, and remarkably, tomato-less.

Meet the Characters: A Trio of Chaos

Enter our trio of unlikely heroes, or as some might call them, the most mischievous folks in Malta. There was Emanuel, a true-blue Vallettan with an appetite to match his humor; Doris, a Sliema socialite who could sniff out a fashion faux pas from miles away; and Manwel, an eccentric Gozitan farmer who claimed his goats predicted the weather more accurately than the meteorological office.

A Twist of Fete: The Festival Farce

It all began during the Festival of St. Publius, when the esteemed and slightly round Mayor of Mdina declared a competition for the largest ħobż biż-żejt in Maltese history. The grand prize? None other than a lifetime supply of Gozitan cheeselets. Emanuel, Doris, and Manwel knew they had to embark on this culinary crusade. After all, what was life without cheese?

An Unexpected Goat-napping

However, just as the trio teamed up, Manwel’s prized goat, Benna (named after his favorite brand of milk), was mysteriously goat-napped! Wild gossip spread like wildfire, with whispers of a Sicilian cheese mafia looking to sabotage Malta’s cheese supply. “Uwejja! Not our cheese!” cried the townsfolk.

“Without Benna’s milk, there’ll be no cheeselets for the ħobż biż-żejt,” lamented Manwel, scratching his head. “And without cheeselets, mela, this competition is as good as gone!”

The Plot Thickens: Operation Pastizz-Pocalypse

The trio hatched an elaborate scheme, cheekily dubbed ‘Operation Pastizz-Pocalypse’—a nod to Malta’s favorite flaky pastries, pastizzi. They aimed to track down Benna and save the cheeselets, thereby securing their victory at the festival.

Emanuel suggested they follow the trail of vanished tomatoes, while Doris thought a stakeout at the next farmers’ market might yield some clues. “Just look for a goat with a discerning taste for gourmet gbejniet,” she advised. Meanwhile, Manwel spent his days conversing with his remaining goats in the hope of uncovering a cryptic message from Benna herself.

The Big Cheese Reveal

A Mozzarella Misunderstanding?

Their investigation led them through a maze of narrow streets, maritime museums, and a suspiciously quiet fishing market in Marsaxlokk. They had almost given up when Doris, ever so vigilant, caught a glimpse of Benna’s signature bell around a milkman’s neck in Qormi.

Tackling him to the ground, they realized it was a profound misunderstanding. The milkman was an undercover environmentalist creating awareness about plastic cheese wrappers polluting the Mediterranean. The bell was a gift from Manwel, who had forgotten his own gesture after a particularly festive night of too much imqaret (date pastry) indulgence.

The Real Twist: Benna’s Cheese-uprising

But what of Benna? In a delightful turn of events, she returned to Manwel’s farm of her own accord, leading a parade of cheese-wheel-rolling goats. It was she who had hidden away the cheese supply—not out of malice, but to demonstrate her newfound talent: producing the finest artisanal cheeselets Gozo had ever seen, which she learned from a wise, traveling cheesemonger.

The Spectacular Festival Finale

In the end, the Festival of St. Publius went down in history, not for the largest ħobż biż-żejt, but for the tale of Benna and her cheese uprising. The trio won the competition with Benna’s cheeselets and donated their lifetime supply to the community, ensuring that no Maltese festival would ever lack ħobż biż-żejt again.

“We’ve uncovered more than just cheese and goats,” mused Manwel as he shared a laugh with his compatriots and Benna munched a tomato triumphantly.

After-Bread Thoughts: A Mockumentary Exclusive

Mela, what’s the moral of the story? In Malta, even when the cheese gets tough, the tough get cheesier. And as for Benna? She became something of a celebrity, fielding appearances in local TV spots and charity events, reminding us all that heroes can emerge from the most udder-ly unexpected places.

“Here’s to Benna, the goat who milked her way into our hearts—and to eternal supplies of ħobż biż-żejt,” chuckled Emanuel, raising a cheese-filled slice to the Maltese sky.

This has been another whimsical chapter from the ‘Times of Mela,’ where even the goats join in to make life a smidgen bit tastier—for every twist and turn comes with a side of laughter, in fair Malta, our island of wonder.