Oh My Għawdex! Not Another Hospital Concession Kerfuffle!

The Spectacle Begins

Welcome to the latest edition of the ‘Times of Mela’ where we spin the mundane into the magnificent and where truth is stranger than the fiction we cook up! ‘Mela’, have you heard about the most recent scandal penging about faster than a pastizz in the oven? It’s the hospital concession ‘investigation’, and everyone’s in a tizzy.

A Twist of Plot Worthy of a Telenovela

The nation is buzzing like a swarm of ‘summiena’ after recent allegations that there’s been a cheeky bit of interference in the investigation into the hospitals’ concession. Both the Police Commissioner and the Office of the Prime Minister (OPM) have had to come out and say ‘Mhux vera!’ (Not true!), but let’s be honest, that’s hardly going to put the rumors to bed, is it?

Enter Our Cast of Misfits

In one corner, wearing a grin bigger than the walls of Mdina, we have Leli l-Iskandlu, a kiosk owner who’s convinced the police are using his ħobż biż-żejt as evidence. Then there’s Salvina ‘Tal-Pipa’, a local gossip enthusiast and part-time sleuth who’s been streaming live from her balcony in Valletta, giving her ‘factual’ rendition of events. Oh, and we mustn’t forget Ċikku ‘l-Expert’, a self-declared investigative journalist whose only credential is watching every episode of ‘Inspector Montalbano’.

The Big “Leak”

Now, here’s where it gets spicy like that rabbit stew simmering away in Gozo’s most secretive kitchens. A supposed “leak” on ‘Bieb Bieb Social’, Malta’s most reputable (and fictitious) social media platform, showed an image of a report that has the nation’s tongues wagging more than the tail of a street dog in Marsaxlokk. The bizarre twist? The leaked document was actually just a recipe for ‘Bigilla’. You can’t make this stuff up!

“It’s a cover-up! They’re trying to distract us with beans!” shouts Salvina ‘Tal-Pipa’, nearly disentangling her curlers in the process. “Those beans may spell out the secrets of the universe for all we know!”

Unraveling the Bean Conspiracy

Amidst the chaos, an exclusive ‘interview’ with Leli l-Iskandlu reveals more than we bargained for. It’s not a transcript, but rather a series of voice notes, heavy breathing, and what can only be described as the crunching of galletti.

“Uwejja, they say I’m involved? Kollox għajr hekk! (Everything but that!) All I did was provide the investigators with some sustenance—a few ħobż biż-żejt and maybe a slice of ‘mqaret’ or two. Now, they’re after my recipe like it’s some sort of whistleblower!” claims Leli.

The Unexpected Culprit

As for the big reveal, turns out it was Ċikku ‘l-Expert’ himself, sowing the metaphoric beans of discord! In an act that would have the Knights of St. John doing somersaults in their graves, he admits to fabricating the whole shebang for a bit of limelight.

“To be fair, I really thought it looked like a classified document,” explains Ċikku, eyes darting quicker than a festa firework. “Besides, everyone loves a good conspiracy, mela? Plus, it got people talking about my bean dip, which is honestly divine.”

Conclusion, or as We Say in Malta, ‘Is-Siġill’

So the moral of the story, dear readers, is that in Malta, even a humble bean dip can stir up a national incident. Remember: in the land of ‘Times of Mela’, truth is often found betwixt the layers of pastry and the folds of destiny… or is it destiny’s pastry folds?

Stay tuned for the next heart-stopping installment where we might just reveal the secret ingredient behind Ċikku’s bean dip. Spoiler alert: it’s not beans. Mela, the intrigue never ends!