Maltese Health Minister’s Triple-Whammy Warning: No Driving with Pastizzi, Ċisk, and Ġbejna!

An Unprecedented Public Service Announcement

It was an ordinary sunny day in Valletta when the Maltese Health Minister, Qawsalla Fenech, decided to shake things up with a press conference right in front of St. John’s Co-Cathedral. It was going to be a historic moment – even the pigeons could sense something was up as they perched on Ġgantija temples’ replicas, side-eyeing the gathering crowd.

The Unexpected Health Hazard Triplets

“My fellow Maltese, expats, and tourists!” Qawsalla began, clearing her throat with the solemnity of a festa band conductor, “Times have changed. It’s not just the booze or the… erm… recreational extras that can impair your driving. There’s a new public enemy on our roads: the lethal combination of pastizzi, Ċisk, and ġbejnas!”

“Listen up, hbieb (friends)! We’ve seen enough harm from our infamous trio – the pastizz hangover, the Ċisk wobble, and the power nap after a hefty chunk of ġbejna. From now on, nixtiequ (we wish) you steer clear from the steering wheel if you’ve indulged in any of these!”

Hot Takes from the Mdina Streets

The declaration hit the streets quicker than a Gozo Channel Ferry on a good day, and reactions were as mixed as a Maltese village festa buffet. In a makeshift poll conducted by ‘Times of Mela’, residents of Mdina shared their thoughts.

Rokku, the Bocci Champion: “Uwejja, now how am I supposed to get home after my Sunday binge of fenkata (rabbit stew) and games at the band club?”
Tina the Tour Guide: “That’s it, I’m adding this to my tours. ‘And over there, ladies and gentlemen, is the historic Cafe Premier, where you can enjoy a pastizz with caution!'”
Manwela the Gossip: “Pfff, kollox? What next, no walking after Ġbejna Friska? We’ll all be crawling back to our djar (homes)!”

Gozo’s Giggle and A Sigh of Relief

Gozo, with its serene evenings and quiet streets, could barely contain its amusement. One bemused Gozitan, Ċikku the fisherman, had this to say: “What a show! Over here, we take our boats if we’ve had one too many ftiras. But then again, no one’s stopping the ħobż biż-żejt from flowing!”

A Twist in the Tale

As laughter and disbelief swirled through the Maltese islands, a late-breaking update hit the airwaves: Qawsalla Fenech admitted there was a bit of tomfoolery involved. A nationwide sigh was breathed, and bar owners across Sliema collectively uncrossed their fingers.

Qawsalla Fenech, with a wink: “Mela, ħbieb, what can I say? Sometimes you just have to remind people to enjoy the good things in life – like pastizzi, Ċisk, and ġbejna – responsibly, uwejja!”

The entire episode turned out to be a humorous stunt to raise awareness about road safety and the perils of overindulgence. The nation chuckled, shook its head, and got back to business as usual, with a newfound appreciation for the hilarity that is an everyday part of Maltese life.

And at ‘Times of Mela,’ we raise our imaginary Ċisks to Qawsalla Fenech – because every now and then, we all need a good laugh to remind us to take life’s bumps in the road with a pinch of salt…or perhaps a sprinkle on our pastizzi.