The Great Mdina Metaphysical Misadventure

It was a typical sunny afternoon in Mdina, the old capital of Malta, where the echoes of horse hooves meet whispers of ancient secrets. The city was buzzing with the latest gossip – a crime had been committed, but not just any crime. It wasn’t a stolen pastizz, a misplaced ħobż biż-żejt or a missing rabbit from the stew. It was something far more… metaphysical.

Enter the Unlikely Heroes

Meet Salvu, a retired historian with a knack for tripping over his own feet, and his lifelong buddy, Dolores, a self-proclaimed psychic who could predict everything except the lottery numbers. These two were about to become Mdina’s most accidental detectives.

The Mdina Mystery

It all started when the treasured ‘Eye of the Falcon’ – a gemstone renowned for its historical significance and supposed supernatural powers – had vanished from the National Museum, leaving behind nothing but a feather and a cryptic note that simply read, “Mela, you’ll never find it.”

We ask Salvu for his insights:

“Uwejja, this is not just about the gem,” Salvu exclaimed, adjusting his spectacles. “The Eye of the Falcon is said to be the key to understanding Malta’s true history!”

The Plot Thickens

Was it mere coincidence, then, that a flock of unusually intellectual pigeons had taken over St. John’s Co-Cathedral, solving the cryptic frescoes with disturbing accuracy? Or that the infamous street vendor selling ħobż biż-żejt in Valletta now included mysterious fortunes with every sandwich?

With Dolores’ erratic visions leading the way, the duo stumbled through a series of humorous mishaps including a high-speed chase on a karrozzin (horse-drawn carriage) and a brief imprisonment in the dungeons of Fort St. Angelo after mistaking a re-enactment for a cult gathering.

A Twist of Fate

As they sat in their stone cell, Dolores received a vision so intense, she sneezed out a prophecy – the gemstone was to be found in the most unlikely of places: a humble Gozo cheese pie (ġbejna). But not just any ġbejna. It was one that had been photographed in a selfie by a hapless tourist and posted online. It was the viral ġbejna that captivated the nation.

Resolving the Mdina Conundrum

No sooner had they been released, Salvu and Dolores were off to Gozo, faster than you could say “qed nippruvaw naraw” (we are trying to see). After interrogating several bewildered cheesemakers, the truth emerged in the most unexpected of places. The ‘Eye of the Falcon’ had been mistakenly baked into a batch of cheese pies by a short-sighted pastry chef, who had confused the priceless gem with a lump of rock salt.

The Unexpected Heroes

With the gem now safely returned to the museum and the pastry chef’s vision corrected with a new pair of glasses, the accidental heroes were hailed as saviors of Maltese heritage. As a result of their adventure, Salvu decided to pen a new book titled “Kollox Possibbli: The Untold Stories of Malta’s Hidden Gems.” Meanwhile, Dolores capitalized on her newfound fame, launching a line of fortune-telling ħobż biż-żejt, each one guaranteeing a predictably delicious future.

Dolores shares her newfound philosophy:

“Life is like a Maltese platter; you never know if the next bite’s going to be a spicy pepper or a tangy ġbejna!”

And so, the sun set over the Maltese archipelago, leaving Salvu and Dolores contemplating their next misadventure. Maybe next time, they’d tackle the mystery of why Maltese buses never seemed to stick to the schedule. But that, my dear readers, is a story for another day.

#CheesePieConspiracies

• Did the falcon who lost the ‘Eye’ start the intellectual pigeon revolution?
• Will Salvu’s book reveal the whereabouts of other mythical Maltese artefacts?
• Can Dolores’ ħobż biż-żejt really tell the future or is it just seriously good bread?

The ‘Times of Mela’ promises to keep an eye on these developments, along with the price of pastizzi, which remains criminally low. For now, savour the flavour of intrigue and cheese pies, and always remember – in Malta, the truth is stranger than fiction… especially when it’s baked in a Gozo delicacy.