The Case of the Stolen Għana Tune

Crime Wave Hits Sliema

In a twist that’s left the local authorities scratching their heads, Sliema has been hit by an unusual crime wave. Forget the usual petty thefts or seaside squabbles; this time, it’s something that shakes the very soul of Maltese culture. Yes, you read it right: a għana tune has been stolen! “Uwejja, how can that be?” you might ask. Hold onto your bajtra liqueur because this is where the plot thickens like a perfectly stirred fenek stew.

A Songless Singer

Meet Ċikku, the għana singer who’s famed for his melodic voice that can usually be heard echoing through the streets of Mdina. But lately, Ċikku’s voice has been on an unexpected holiday—his signature tune, “Il-Baħrija Tas-Sliem,” has mysteriously vanished from his repertoire. So, what does a songless singer do? He hires the only detective whose waistline is as expansive as his reputation: Wenzu “Pastizz” Piscopo.

Enter the Detective

Detective Piscopo, a larger-than-life character known for his love of ħobż biż-żejt and keen detective skills, is on the case! Speaking to the ‘Times of Mela,’ Piscopo explains, “Look, to solve a crime, you’ve got to think like a criminal. In this case, I’ve got to think like a note, a melody… there might even be a bit of ritmu in it.”

“I’m going to trawl every festa and każin across Malta and Gozo until I find that missing melody. It’s a matter of national importance, mela!”

Twists, Turns, and Turbulent Troubadours

But it’s not just any ordinary investigation. As he dives into the heart of Valletta’s music scene, Piscopo uncovers a tangled web of rival singers, secret societies of qassatat lovers, and even whispers of a lost city beneath the silent streets of Mdina. Rumor has it, the city is made entirely of gold… record albums of the greatest għana hits.

The Plot Thickens

When interviewing Marthese, a local fenkata enthusiast known for her sharp tongue and sharper ears, Piscopo discovers something groundbreaking: the rumors of an underground black market for għana melodies!

“Uwejja, those tunes are trading faster than pastizzi on Sunday morning. Kollox can be bought for the right price, if you catch my drift,”

Marthese whispers with a wink.

Uncovering the Culprit

Detective Piscopo, now more determined than ever, stages a sting operation at a shady ħobż biż-żejt joint. And there, amongst the crumbs and olive oil stains, he discovers the tune thief—a down-on-his-luck troubadour named Toni Tar-Raħal, who needed that hit song to make it big at Eurovision.

Redemption Song

But our detective has a heart as big as a Gozitan ftira. Taking pity on Toni, Piscopo makes him an offer he can’t refuse—sing at his niece’s wedding, and all will be forgiven. Toni agrees, belting out “Il-Baħrija Tas-Sliem” in a performance that even rivals Peppi’s falsetto at last year’s Karnival ta’ Malta.

The Melody of Justice

With the għana tune returned to its rightful owner, normalcy is restored to Sliema. Ċikku sings his heart out once again, and Detective Piscopo? Well, he may not have cracked the case of the lost city (yet), but he definitely earned himself some free rounds of rabbit stew from a grateful singer.

Moral of The Story

Don’t mess with a man’s għana, or you’ll have more than just the tempo to contend with. And to respect the għana is to respect Malta itself, għax kollox mela, tunes are the island’s heartbeat.

Detective Piscopo last seen eyeing the mysterious underground city legends. He mumbles to himself, “Next case: The Maltese Atlantis of Gold Records, or maybe I’ll just dig into a plate of bragioli first.”

Stay tuned for more thrilling, humorous escapades as Detective Wenzu “Pastizz” Piscopo uncovers the quirks and conundrums of Maltese society. And always remember, in Malta, even the mysteries are served with a side of cheeky charm.