Fund-raising Gone Fiasco: The €100,000 Gender-based Violence Escapade

Unexpected Allocation of Funds

In a small office packed with stacks of papers in the bustling town of Sliema, Carmelu, a well-meaning coordinator for ‘Equality Matters Malta’, just found himself in a whirlwind of cash. Literally. The NGO had just been granted a whopping €100,000 to fight gender-based violence, and in his excitement, Carmelu accidentally fed the grant letter into the paper shredder instead of the project proposal. Ensuing chaos: priceless.

A Hasty Plan in Valletta

Meanwhile, in Valletta’s long and winding streets filled with the aroma of pastizzi, Tina tad-Doughnuts—cousin to none other than the mayor—heard about the windfall. With gusto and great misunderstanding, she rallied the town’s folks to a hasty meeting at the Upper Barrakka Gardens. Here they sought to devise a foolproof plan to use the money for all things gender-based violence prevention, including but not limited to, a martial arts dojo next to every ħobż biż-żejt cart.

“Uwejja! We will kick the violence away, one flying pastizz at a time!” exclaimed Tina tad-Doughnuts, while practicing an air kick that nearly sent her spiraling into a tourist.

Plot Twist in Gozo

Over in sunny Gozo, news spread as quickly as gossip in a village festa. A local blogger, Dunstan of the Digital Age, mistakenly reported the NGO actually received €1,000,000. Now the entire island was abuzz with plans to erect a life-sized statue of a mythical gender-neutral warrior in Dwejra, rumored to possess ancient secrets of equality, accessible only by those who solved a series of intricate riddles.

Għajn Tuffieħa’s Surprise

What none of them expected was Rosalina l-Artista, an avant-garde painter from Għajn Tuffieħa, who took it upon herself to “improve” gender perceptions with a controversial art exhibition involving malta buses, rabbit stew, and interactive mime performances. Suffice to say, the public’s reception was a mix of bewilderment, fascination, and uncontrollable laughter.

Gathering the Troops

With time ticking and the real objective of the grant money as distant as Mdina on a foggy morning, Carmelu was in dire straits. He managed to gather all the parties involved for an emergency meeting at the historic St. John’s Co-Cathedral, where arguments were as heated as the legendary Maltese summers.

Resolution Out of the Blue

It was only when a soft-spoken janitor—fondly known as ‘Uncle Savvy’—calmly suggested that they should maybe, just maybe, read the original grant application guidelines, that the true aim of the fund was once again brought to the limelight.

“Aiwa, ħuti, maybe let’s take a step back and do some reading first, mela?” Uncle Savvy chimed in, as murmurs of agreement echoed through the cathedral’s ornate nave.

Interactive Turnaround

Following Uncle Savvy’s wisdom, the townsfolk, bloggers, artists, and even Tina tad-Doughnuts decided to launch an online survey to gather public opinions on the most effective way to utilize the fund. This brilliant interactive initiative captured the local spirit and wit, with suggestions ranging from a comic strip narrating the daily life in Malta to a satirical web series teaching respectful behavior through exaggerated examples of what not to do.

The Final Verdict

Ultimately, the money was tactfully invested in nationwide campaigns, offering workshops and supporting victims with an added dash of Maltese humor. The martial arts dojo idea was not completely discarded, though, as self-defense classes were organized in town halls, where participants could indeed “kick the violence away” followed by a comforting plate of fenkata (rabbit stew).

In Retrospective

As the program’s success soared, the shredded grant letter incident became a notorious inside joke, and Tina tad-Doughnuts found her calling as the energetic, albeit slightly eccentric, self-defense instructor. Carmelu could finally breathe a sigh of relief—his fund-raising fiasco turned into an island-wide crusade against gender-based violence, with the right amount of laughter to encourage change in the most Maltese way possible.

“A problem shared is a problem halved, and in Malta, we share everything—except our last pastizz.” — Carmelu, the once-stressed NGO coordinator, now smiling with content.