Maltese Farmer Creates ‘Gigantic’ Vegetables, Plans to Turn Gozo into Giant Produce Paradise

Unbelievable Growth in the Fields of Xagħra

In an astounding turn of events that has left botanists scratching their heads and locals in a mixed state of awe and existential dread, Maltese farmer Wistin Camilleri has reportedly revolutionized the concept of ‘homegrown’ with his new brand of colossal crops. These aren’t just big veggies – they’re the size of a small car, and Wistin has big plans for them in Gozo!

The Mysterious Miracle Fertilizer

Born and raised in the quaint town of Xagħra, famed for its Ġgantija temples and fertile lands, Wistin has always been a bit of a maverick in overalls. But it was during a fateful visit to the mystical tal-Mixta Cave that Wistin stumbled upon an ancient carob tree harboring a glowing, peculiar soil. It was as if Caravaggio himself had painted this dirt with light straight out of ‘The Beheading of Saint John’, thought Wistin. Little did he know, this soil, when mixed with the traditional pungent-smelling ġbejniet fertilizer, would trigger his crops to grow to tremendous proportions.

“You won’t believe your eyes, uwejja! My tomatoes are so big; they’ve started their own neighborhood watch,” Wistin boasted, clad in an oversized sunhat and grinning from ear to ear.

An Interview with the Man Behind the Veggies

Times of Mela correspondent flits to Xagħra for an exclusive one-on-one dialogue with Wistin, the accidental genius farmer.

Reporter: So, Wistin, how has life changed since you’ve turned your farm into a local landmark?
Wistin: Mela, life is uhm… bigger now. The tourists love taking selfies with my giant pumpkins, and I’ve become somewhat of a celebrity at the village festa. Just the other day, a couple got married under my mega-marrows!
Reporter: Impressive! Any plans for these enormous edibles?
Wistin: Aye! I’m in talks with the Malta Public Transport. We’ll be converting the biggest cauliflowers into eco-friendly buses. Mhux ħażin, eh?
Reporter: That’s certainly a creative approach. How do the locals feel about this?
Wistin: They think it’s a great idea! But the rabbits – they’re not as thrilled. They tried nibbling on one of the colossal carrozzini (baby marrows), and now they’re on a strict diet. Kollox in excess, as they say.

The Tourist Attraction Feud

Meanwhile, over in Mdina, the Silent City’s tourism board is in a frenzy. How can the famous “Mdina Dungeons” compete with a vegetable patch? The board’s latest brainstorming session turned into a culinary showdown proposal: A “Titanic Veggie vs. Historic City” cook-off featuring Gozitan ginormous zucchini versus Mdina’s traditional rabbit stew. The menu is expected to include ħobż biż-żejt big enough to use as umbrellas and pastizzi that double as flotation devices for the Valletta Harbour cruises.

However, Wistin’s crops have attracted more than just foodie fanatics and nosy neighbors. A corporation, controversially named “Malta Monocrop Magnates,” has shown interest in his miracle fertilizer, envisioning a future where Maltese landmarks are replaced with larger-than-life legumes.

As Wistin and his gigantic vegetables take the island by storm, one can only wonder what’s next. Will these oversized offerings revolutionize Maltese agriculture, or will the archipelago be drowned in a sea of humongous turnips? Only thyme will tell.

What the Locals Say

• Leli ta’ Bormla: “If Wistin’s veggies keep growing, we might need to start planting them in concrete mixers – ġennata ta’ veru!”
• Tereza minn Rabat: “Eat your heart out, Birkirkara Market! With these veggies, we’ll need a forklift to get our shopping home!”
• Ċikku from Marsalforn: “I heard Wistin’s cucumbers can double as paddleboards for tourists. I guess that’s one way to keep Gozo green, huh?”

So, whether Wistin’s veggies become Malta’s modern-day Colossus or simply an eccentric farmer’s oversized tribute to Mother Nature remains to be seen. What’s certain is that the “Times of Mela” will be there, reporting from beneath the shadow of the mightiest marrow Malta has ever seen.

Stay tuned, dear readers, for it seems like in Malta, life, and vegetables, truly grow larger than anywhere else. As the locals say, “Everything is bigger in Gozo – even the dreams!”